That crazy ex-girlfriend
MEMES justifying the actions of crazy girlfriends/exes have dominated social media in recent times, some glorifying behaviour that in psychological circles would be deemed antisocial, and even worthy of medical intervention. The spurned woman who seeks revenge from her man for some misdeed has been immortalised in song and movies for years, two of the most memorable being the late Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopes who set fire to her ex Andre Rison’s mansion, destroying it; and Bernadine’s (Angela Bassett’s) revenge in Waiting to Exhale, when she burnt her husband’s possessions after he left her for another woman.
For the man who has been burnt in such a way, moving on can become a double nightmare, both for him, who has no clue if and when his ex will stop making his life miserable, and for his new woman who is often also subjected to his ex’s reign of terror. Sometimes a crazy ex is more mouth than action, but what happens when she’s crazy enough to cause harm? How can you tell that that’s her mindset?
Sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill said that obsessive and harmful exes are a dime a dozen. He explained that while many exes who may send a threat, stalk or are the source of embarrassing drama often leave it at just that, others will cross this line and act on threats. Either way, he suggests you take steps to protect yourself once your partner’s ex raises these red flags:
1. Are you receiving weird or threatening phone calls or text messages about your relationship with your partner?
Never take any threat lightly. Dr McGill said that these threatening messages and calls should not only be recorded and stored, but should also be brought to the attention of the police. He also encourages that while it may be tempting, you should never respond. “Instead of talking to the ex, talk to your partner about it and allow him to address this if need be,” Dr McGill said.
2. Is there stalking?
Do they find themselves at places that you frequent, hurling offensive words and threatening to hit or to hurt you? “When it becomes physical, even if they are only just in your space, certainly you have to become concerned. Consider a restraining order at this point,” Dr McGill said.
3. Are they in denial?
This can be a psychological issue and a break-up could have impacted on their emotional state. They could therefore act as though they are defending their relationship, although it’s over, from an intruder (you) because they are not at that point of the break-up. You may want to allow this phase to pass. Ask your significant other to allow this to pass too, in an effort to protect yourself from possible harm.
4. Do they invade your personal space?
They may break into your car, house, or just destroy some other property that belongs to you. Consider this and protect yourself, and even as you engage the authorities, consider taking steps to protect yourself.
5. Are they suicidal?
“If the person threatens to kill your partner and then him or herself, you have to be more concerned. This, Dr McGill explained, could be a sign of depression and hopelessness related to the relationship, which he said could propel the ex to become violent. He also said that your significant other should contact a family member of the ex or assist them with getting help.
— Penda Honeyghan
