Why I will never forgive my ex
IN the eyes of the afflicted, some things can never be forgiven. And while psychologists encourage forgiveness because of the associated mental and emotional benefits, sometimes no matter how much time has passed, resentment is the only emotion that you are capable of feeling.
This week, All Woman readers who’ve been stung so deeply by the actions of an ex that they’ve found it impossible to forgive share their reasons.
Georgia:
I made the mistake of committing five years of my life to a boy living in a man’s body. When things got sour, he caused the greatest pain to me as well as my family. He knew about our financial position and all our vulnerabilities because we trusted him. He was a part of us. But this “man” put our lives on display for John Public to see. If he had publicly shamed me, if he had cheated a million more times, if he had continued to make sure that I and I alone would be the people’s laughing stock, it would have been no problem. But bring my mother and everyone else that I love to the gallows, and you are dead to me. To make it worse, much of what he is telling people are half-truths.
Monique:
I would never forgive my ex because he never allowed me to leave the relationship with dignity. The first strike was when he disrespected me in front of my parents. Oh yes, he called me the B word. Secondly, he brought another woman to the place that we shared, and they had their way with each other in our home on multiple occasions while we were together. This man had me going hungry to pay a loan we took out together while he flossed. He lied to my face over and over and over about the woman he is now with. So I don’t see myself forgiving him. Someone this cold-hearted doesn’t deserve forgiveness.
Kevin:
She had an affair with my friend of 30 years and had me eating, drinking and laughing with this man every Sunday.
Samantha:
We were both in school at the time and when I got pregnant he denied having sexual relations with me. He denied his child even after the baby was born and she had everything for him. I remember being so helpful to this man with his math and physics. He promised to be there if something like that ever happened, but when reality was finally upon us he disappeared. But I worked till my baby was born and I still did my CXCs, six of which I got, and I did odd jobs and took care of my child and sent myself to school with a little help from my mom. Now I can say I don’t want anything from him or anything to do with him and mean it, because when I was in my darkness he deserted me. Why would I need him when I helped myself to a better place?
Jinnel:
He has no remorse. He is disgusting, inconsiderate and abusive. The constant lies and cheating on top of cheating… he just wouldn’t stop. He was reckless with his life and with mine. He also didn’t care that people looked down on me. He basically neglected me every chance that he could until he needed me, and when I didn’t allow him to touch me he would force himself on me. He would hit me and call me names because a woman should never tell him no. How can you possibly forgive someone like that? How can you forgive someone who takes pleasure in the misery of someone else, and in hurting them?
Gretel:
My ex and I both had children from previous relationships and it so happened that both children lived with us. I loved his child like she was my own though she was disrespectful, vulgar and ill mannered, while my child was the opposite. Even adults in the community looked up to my child, but he hated her and I could see it. It so happened that we were at a low point and I got an opportunity to go to America. Though I had my female relatives looking in, whenever I sent money home, he bought expensive snacks for his daughter and whatever cheap snacks he could get he bought for mine. He used up her birthday KFC money and coaxed her to lie to me. He made her spread the bed every day by herself though the two girls slept on it. He made her wash her clothes, even her white uniform, while he did his daughter’s laundry. And he cooked his daughter’s breakfast but told my daughter to prepare her own. How can you possibly show preference in such obvious ways? I thanked him when I returned, but I left because I couldn’t see a future with him.
