Big sibling blues

BIG-sibling blues is a term that is used to describe a child who becomes jealous at the idea of a sibling. This is usually difficult for children at any age, but could be even more challenging for toddlers.

This, clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell said, is linked to a crucial developmental stage that the toddler experiences.

“A toddler is operating from the id impulse (the pleasure principle) — they believe that their needs absolutely must come first, the world revolves around them, and they should also be the centre of their parents’ universe. It is also that time when they also feel a need to cling to their parents, so one does not have too look far to see why big brother/sister would have some grouses,” Dr Bell explained.

She pointed out that this is a stage in their lives when they are discovering their selves and have come to believe that their parents, as well as close family, serve their wishes only. Then, they have only to discover that there are talks of a new person whom everybody seems more excited about, and this could naturally turn your toddlers into little green eye monsters.

In fact, Dr Bell said that children in this situation could make life quite difficult, making a complete 360 degree turn to indulge in habits that they never had before.

“They might start asking to be breastfed, refusing to share toys, refusing to walk, or try to climb into their parent’s lap while the baby is being held. They might ask for things because the baby has them, or even pull and pinch the baby.”

But much of this trauma can be reduced.

“From as early as parents find out about the pregnancy, start getting the child used to the idea. Make them feel like they are an important part of their sibling’s development, include them when choosing items, even names for the baby, and try to share with them different benefits of having a sibling,” Dr Bell noted.

She noted that post-baby can be even more difficult to the child, and a feeling of abandonment could easily consume the toddler since unintentionally everybody will be fascinated with the “new kid on the block”.

“You want to be sure to share the time, in the case where both parents are present, include both children at all times and be sure to keep promises to allow them to help with the baby. Little chores such as passing a diaper or towel could do. When the situation is that both parents are not in the picture, use a trusted person from your support group. Also, especially in the case of the mother, don’t expect the father or your support person to deal with your older sibling all the time, they want mommy’s love too,” Dr Bell said.

She said that parents should be smart with how they manage a new baby situation, especially with toddlers, because they are impressionable beings. Dr Bell said you want to make sure that you don’t encourage ill feelings for your newborn by neglecting your older child, lest you run the risk of your toddler becoming violent when interacting with their baby brother/sister.