Stealthing: The dangerous sex trend
MANY women rely on condoms, not just as a method of protection against unplanned pregnancy, but against sexually transmitted diseases as well. However, a new trend is robbing them of this protection. Stealthing is a term used to describe a man’s sneaky removal of his condom during sexual intercourse without the permission or knowledge of his partner. The trend, described in a recent issue of the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law, is said to expose victims to physical risks of pregnancy and disease, and is viewed by many as a grave violation of dignity and autonomy.The article, Rape-adjacent: Imagining legal responses to non-consensual condom removal, by lead researcher Alexandra Brodsky, explains that interviews with people who have experienced stealthing, along with online accounts from victims, indicate that non-consensual condom removal is a common practice among young, sexually active people.“Both men and women describe having sex with male partners who, during sex, removed the condom without their knowledge. Some realised their partner had removed the condom at the moment of re-penetration; others did not realise until the partner ejaculated or, in one case, notified them the next morning.”Sex therapist Dr Sydney McGill says that although the condom effectively protects sexual partners from STI transmission, it reduces sexual satisfaction for some men, who, in their selfish pursuit of pleasure, go against the will of their sexual partners.He said that this act, however, crosses the border of consensual sex to non-consensual sex, since the man would have abandoned the initial terms of consent.Mary R said this issue is a tricky one for her, as she ended up marrying the man who ‘stealthed’ her, after becoming pregnant with his child.“We were in a relationship and using condoms for protection because I got too sick on hormonal methods,” she shared. “I always insisted on a condom, but he revealed to me after I got pregnant that he had removed the condom because he ‘couldn’t feel anything’, and said he thought I had known. He didn’t even give me the opportunity to take the morning-after pill by telling me; instead he waited until I announced the ‘shock’ pregnancy to make his revelation.”Said Dr McGill: “Stealthing is a violation (akin to rape in some countries) for the sex partner who is being deceptively penetrated without a condom in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship. Also, the withdrawal method does not safeguard against the very thing condoms are intended for.”He said that the non-consensual act is most popular and a largely growing trend among young, sexist men who see women primarily as sexual objects.“I have had this experience several times with my now ex,” confessed Gillian R. “Luckily I caught the rake early and went on the pill to avoid getting pregnant. But he had this trick where he would start with a condom, then slyly remove it during the act, and I’d only realise afterwards. He would always claim that natural felt better, with seemingly no care for pregnancy, and no concern for the fact that he was sleeping with other women too, and could have given me an STD.”Dr McGill said many men still believe that women must submit to male desires, and that men should enjoy maximum pleasure because that is their purpose.“This [view] is being supported by large groups of men on various social media websites who have now created a community encouraging each other and building a defence as to why their actions are justified,” he said.There are other men who go even further; they violate their partners with the hope of trapping them by making them pregnant. But this often goes unsuspected because they excuse their actions with the argument that the condom burst without their knowledge.Regardless of the reason for stealthing, Dr McGill maintains that the act is a violation of the partner’s body.“It is deceptive, it is abuse, and I urge persons who practise this habit to discontinue it. Your partner has the right to make all decisions regarding sex and her body; you should not [be the one to] make that decision,” Dr McGill stressed.His arguments are in line with those of Brodsky, who has called for changes in laws globally to make stealthing an international violation. Brodsky has also recommended that victims of stealthing should be given the same level of support as rape victims.In the meantime, Dr McGill recommends that women should get tested whenever this happens.
