Are you preparing him for his future wife?
YOU wash, iron and fold his clothes, make his dinner and even his lunch for work, satisfy him sexually, and sometimes you make special sacrifices — like wearing your hair the way he likes it, and putting his needs first without a second thought. And this is quite natural, since not only are women nurturers by their DNA, but they are also socialised to perform wifely duties for their boyfriends or lovers, even in the absence of any serious commitment.
But how do you know that a man won’t put a ring on it, even when you have done all the things that should lead him in that direction? In fact, are you preparing him to expect these things from the woman he will eventually make his wife? Why won’t he choose you, though you’re a wife in all but name?
Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell says sometimes it has much to do with your own behaviour.
Have you gone ahead and had a child for him, knowing full well that he is not in love with you? Do you behave more like his big sister or his mother, being overprotective and domineering? Do you cook, clean, wash and surrender to his sexual demands without suggesting or telling him that he needs to commit to you?
“If he can get you to do all those things without making any formal commitments to you, then it is easier for him to leave, because his union with you was always temporary,” Powell said.
“Sometimes we overstep our boundaries as partners, and this can make us less attractive to men: ‘Wash your hands, sit properly on the chair, comb your hair — it’s unattractive’. You constantly check on his whereabouts when he’s out with friends, and make demands of him rather than requests. He may care about you and you may think you are making these demands in his best interest, but these habits of yours will alienate him, because a man wants a wife, not a second mother.”
Below are other habits that won’t make him commit to you; he’ll look to someone else instead:
You constantly compare him to others
There is nothing a man hates more than being marked against another man (unless he is winning, of course), and even then he hates it. He is not your ex, your dad, your brother, your best friend or her boyfriend. You must recognise this, accept him for who he is, and learn to make suggestions without comparing him to someone else. Constant comparison can cause men to feel insecure.
You talk down to him
No matter how much a man loves you, he will be turned off if you belittle him in front of others. Whether it is by your tone or your language, learn never to disparage a man, because he will only take so much. It may work for you in the short term, but believe me, he won’t stick around.
You don’t support his dreams
Absolutely no man wants a Negative Nancy around, especially when he has big dreams. Pouring cold water on his dreams will not endear you to him. Unless he is lazy and is simply all talk and no action, see how best you can support him on his journey, and keep reminding yourself that you are a team. If you continue doing the opposite of this, you will lose him.
You are bossy
You want to micromanage his life — always dictating what he should eat, what he should wear, or who he should spend his time with, and you have a meltdown when you don’t get your way. You need to consider all the restrictions that you are placing on him, because no man enjoys feeling like a captive.
You criticise him
Nobody’s perfect. Keep that in mind the next time you call him out on some trivial matter. It is acceptable to share your concerns respectfully about some minor infraction he may have committed, but refrain from calling him names or suggesting that he is incompetent. He will run.
You continue to live in the past
Stop bringing up the past all the time. It’s over. If you continue to dwell on something hurtful that he did, then this could suggest that you are not ready to move on. This will probably lead to a permanent break-up.
