Making time-outs work
TIME-OUTS may be some of the most effective measures in your child’s behaviour check toolkit. But while some parents successfully use this method to manage their children’s unacceptable behaviour, many have tried it and failed miserably.
Nevertheless, clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell provides encouraging advice: Adjusting your time-out method will make it more effective.
“Time-out is a period when the child is placed by him/herself in a non-stimulating environment. By this I mean that when on time-out, the child should not engage in their usual activities; for example, engaging with other people or gadgets that they like,” Dr Bell explained.
One school of thought, she says, advocates that the time-out period should be age-appropriate. A general rule of thumb is that the child should spend one minute for each year of the child’s age. For example, a child who is five would get five minutes of time-out, and so on.
She notes that one of the most important things a parent should note is that a time-out is not punishment. The intent of time-out is to calm children calm down so they can reflect and eventually change their unacceptable behaviours.
To achieve this, Dr Bell says that a few simple things need to be put in place:
1. Choose a time-out spot – one that does not allow for any distraction that would discourage calming down or reflecting on his/her naughty behaviour. She says that the parent must be close enough to monitor the child closely.
2. Whenever your child is on time-out you should limit any engagement at all with him/her. Don’t give him/her any attention. Certainly, unacceptable behaviour can leave you boiling, but try to ignore the child while you control your temper.
3. When your child acts well and exhibits good behaviour, you should reward and encourage him/her. This will help them to differentiate acceptable from unacceptable behaviour.
4. If the child refuses to stay in time-out, he/she should be reintroduced to the time-out space until conformity is achieved.
5. The time-out period, according to the age of the child, should always be respected. If you force children to stay in time-out for extended periods, it loses its value and could actually be counterproductive.
6. The child should know clearly why he/she is in time-out, so you should give an explanation prior to time-out.
7. Whenever the child misbehaves, the time-out should follow immediately. This way the child will know that time-out is a consequence directly linked to his/her action.
8. While you shouldn’t provide gadgets, you can include short storybooks on dealing with anger and problem-solving, and other books that may be helpful to your child and his/her behavioural pattern.
9. You should always be consistent with time-out. The child should know that he/she will be given time-out whenever he/she exhibits unacceptable behaviour.
When the child has served time in reflection as a consequence of his/her misbehaviour, parents should not continue to ignore the child. Instead, parents should move on, but should allow the child to express his/her feelings and use it as a teaching opportunity.
