Reasons to remain single — from the mouths of married people
TWENTY-FIVE per cent of millennials say that they don’t intend to get married, despite pressure from society and their families. In fact, many of them are no longer afraid of being stereotyped as either pitiful, attention-seeking or deeply troubled for deciding against finding Mr or Ms Right in pursuit of matrimonial bliss. And while the generation before and even some of their own may never understand why it’s probably best to remain single, below a few married people share some of the perks of flying solo.
Mark, 46, teacher:
Marriage can be beautiful. You are no longer alone and it’s great to love and care for someone. But there are times when every married person longs for the single life. The responsibilities that come with being married can be overwhelming sometimes. There is also the matter of your own independence where you can do just about anything without thinking about anyone but yourself. You can make your own financial decisions without thinking about your wife. When you consider the divorce rate, you sometimes wonder what might come next, because when marriage gets difficult you can file for divorce.
Georgia, 29, dental assistant:
I want my mate to live his life and live it fully. My problem is, I don’t want either of us to have to make decisions that will make us unhappy. I don’t always feel like I want to be selfless, nor do I want to compromise, and if I was alone I could be stubborn but I don’t always get away with that now. Sometimes I just want to pack up and leave and go on vacation by myself, but then my husband suspects cheating and wants to video-call every second of my vacation. Having someone keep tabs on me never crossed my mind when I said ‘I do’.
Mario, 44, financial analyst:
I am recently married, but I used to live alone. I have come to realise how different it is living with people. Sure I had my siblings and they would trouble stuff I got for myself and I would bite their heads off, but I can’t do that to my wife. Since I have not met any real challenges yet, I’ll just say what I miss. I miss being in the TV room from as early as 5:00 am watching football every Saturday and Sunday, uninterrupted. I can’t do that now. I have to spend that time with my wife. I like enjoying every bit of stuff that I buy that I like, but my wife dabbles in everything, even though I get what she likes as well. She changes everything around the house and I don’t have a say. I can’t stay out an hour after work without being called 20 times to get home. I love my wife, but I miss the freedom of being single. I suppose I’ll get used to it though.
Hyacinth, 36, realtor:
The man I was with went behind my back and borrowed money using our furniture as collateral. I never got a dime of this money and I am stuck paying back his debt. By the way, this is in the millions. Lucky enough for me though, I barely put money in the joint account. Other things did bother me too, like staying true to my marriage vows even when he didn’t deserve it. If I wasn’t married I wouldn’t be responsible for him or his debt. I also miss leaving the place messy on my down days or walking around in ugly clothes and uncombed hair. With marriage you no longer live for you.
Rajah, 30, soldier:
Sometimes I envy my single friends, sometimes I wish I hadn’t bothered with marriage at all. The number one reason is freedom – I love my freedom and my space. I love my wife, but I thrive on having my own space and peace of mind, and when I don’t have to work I want to spend time alone without worrying how this could be making my wife feel when she is not a problem. Secondly, to develop a healthy relationship I need time, and I have a demanding job and lifestyle. When you are career- oriented, it’s difficult. Honestly, there is also a lust to engage in another relationship, and to be honest, I didn’t feel this way before marriage.
Terry-Ann, 43, teacher:
I would suggest remaining single for three reasons : You have a greater opportunity to maintain your individuality. Having to compromise (which is inevitable) can sometimes erode your uniqueness. There is also less responsibility. In other words, the only needs you have to cater to are your own. You also have more time for self-discovery and self-indulgence (it may sound selfish but it is a reality). Thirdly, divorce is costly and time-consuming. It is better to just avoid the initial legal entanglement.
