Wives tell why they won’t confront their men’s mistress
MISTRESSES, better known colloquially as side chicks, have endured much condemnation for intruding on relationships and dishonouring marriages. In response, rather than hide their misdeeds as many have done in the past, some have assumed a new level of obnoxious behaviour — they upload pictures on social media, tag their men’s families, pose for the social pages of newspapers, and introduce themselves at gatherings as the men’s significant others, even when the whole world knows who the wives are. And then they may further push the envelope and message the wives of their lovers, extolling their attributes as a way of justifying why they are the better pick.
But should a wife confront a mistress in the face of such flagrant disrespect? What do you do when your husband’s other woman pressures you to engage her in a debate about why he chose her?
Shenel, married eight years:
My advice to the wife: don’t engage side chicks. Unless your husband has been kidnapped or held hostage under some magic spell, he has made a conscious decision to disrespect you and his commitment to your relationship. Infidelity is a hard reality and can bring out the worst and very raw emotions in us, especially as women who feel deeply. But never lose sight of what it really means in the context of your vows to each other. However, if the woman on the side becomes directly confrontational or deliberately seeks to provoke the wife, I would not be against putting her in her place by any means necessary.
Natalie, married nine years:
We look down on these women, but the truth is no one wins. There is hurt and brokenness on both sides. Somewhere in both women there is much hurt, pain and brokenness. Within both wife and side chick there is much bitterness as well. The title wife doesn’t put her in a better position, as she experiences the same level of pain and disgrace while the side chick gets to lower her self-worth to settle for having a boy who is struggling to find his own self-worth in his shell of a man. The biggest losers, however, are the children and society in general. Look what our glorification of side chicks and cheating has done to society – so many children growing up with diminished self-worth because they may be the children of the side chick who can never really be acknowledged. Once my ex-husband’s side chick published a birthday picture of him with her at dinner out for drinks and even on a boat. Well, my children were on the Internet, Googled their last name and found the article, and saw their father and his side chick. That was a weekend he told them he couldn’t spend time with them because he had to work. They have never forgiven him, and it’s a painful reminder that remains forever on the Internet.
Tony-Ann, married two years:
This is between husband and wife. The minute you reach out to this alleged side chick you have lost all credibility as a wife. A husband needs to respect the union and the commitment to the union. If he did not allow this other woman she would not be able to have a ‘side chick’ status. Clearly there is a communication issue that needs to be addressed first between husband and wife. Once that discussion has taken place, then the wife can know if he is worth the work or not.
Leah, married six years:
Side chicks love to say things like they are better, but how would I know? I am not having sex with her. Why am I going to debate with her over who is better? I would diminish my self-esteem by debating with someone who reached out to me about my husband. If you want him so badly, then keep him. Same as he went out and found her, I am at liberty to leave him and find someone else if my heart so desires. At some point we all have to weigh our pros and cons, and there are very few pros in arguing with a side chick.
Alison, divorced after five years:
When I was a wife, I refused to reduce myself to any side chicks or potential side chicks out there. The minute you stoop to the level of confronting side chicks, you open yourself up to further ridicule and embarrassment. Allow a side chick to remain as such, while you make a decision on your own life and value. If your husband refuses to put her in her place and make it right with the wife, what value is there in the wife confronting her?
Ken, divorced after five years:
In this day and age, who has time to argue over which woman is better? How does one validate that? Let’s get the measuring stick and see.
Sophia, married two years:
Well, it’s simple enough. What I give my husband is much more than sex. I upgrade him; I support him; I make him better. If he wishes to diminish his self-worth, I cannot help him. I am not arguing with any woman over who is better in bed because I’m not going to bed with her to prove it (I don’t roll like that). I will, however, tell my husband to sort out his life and pray I choose to stay. I am the prize here, and he’d better know that.
Denise, married nine years:
I don’t believe any wife should be responding to anything with a side chick. I’m a firm believer in people addressing the source. Wives are married to their husbands, not to another woman out there, and at some point the husband would have allowed someone else into their sacred space and should be held responsible. Wives shouldn’t be in any tracing match with any other woman. Frankly, I don’t think any wife should think it’s a compliment that the man “returns to her” after infidelity. It annoys me that we are still so patriarchal that a man’s “return” is held up and celebrated as if a woman (or maybe two) wasn’t hurt in the process of his antics. I could go on and on about this because women are very catty and tend to act as though their spouses are the ones being lured and not the ones doing the luring.
Ingra, married 12 years:
My advice is to leff dem to dem nastiness and squeeze him pocket on your way out. Find a good man that won’t cheat. This being an ongoing form of infidelity with a facety, brazen side chick, I would simply tell her to keep him! He is going to eventually cheat on her too.
