Your child’s imaginary friend

MANY of us can recall days in our childhood when we talked to our stuffed animals and treated them as though they were living, breathing creatures. In fact, many of us, like our children today, even ventured a step further, creating individuals with real personalities in our imagination, and we actually bonded with them. And while some parents are fearful that having an imaginary friend could indicate that your child has problems socialising, clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell says this is actually an indication of an active, healthy imagination.

“Pretend play is a very important developmental milestone for a child. This need arises because play is a very important part of a child’s development, and while some parents may be a little taken aback by it, imaginary friends can help children in a number of capacities, including developing social skills,” Dr Bell reasoned.

She said imaginary friends are seen more in first-borns and only-children, and is not pathological. She underscored that imaginary friends function as substitute peers and as an outlet for unacceptable behaviours.

These friends may take many forms and are created by children usually from inspiration drawn from stories that they are told, friends or family whom they admire, or may be based totally on their own creation. Regardless of how they were created, Dr Bell said that imaginary friends serve a unique and crucial purpose in the life of the child.

“Pretend friends serve a number of purposes — they help children to explore feelings and to better express themselves in language development. It helps with reducing fears, creates excitement, helps the child fantasise a happier memory of an event that may have occurred, and it also acts as a support system for the child. They will appreciate that this friend doesn’t try to blame or criticise them,” Dr Bell explained.

Although most parents may not see it as being in the best interest of the children, preschool-age youngsters should not be discouraged from having imaginary friends because in addition to the benefits noted earlier, it also helps broaden a child’s creativity. It takes brilliance on the part of children to write their script and the script of the other people and to always maintain conversations, thereby strengthening communication skills.

“As the child gets older there will be less of a need to pretend play, as they should now be able to socialise with others in the school setting and play dates that parents would set up. The worry would be if it continues way past the appropriate developmental stage,” Dr Bell advised. She noted that in this case, you will need to get professional help. You may also want to take a similar approach if the child constantly says they are being told to do unacceptable things, and also if the kind of conversation between the child and his or her imaginary friend is disturbing.

Other issues that may come with imaginary friends is that you may find your children blaming the imaginary friend for wrongs committed. If this happens, you should make it clear to the child that not only is it unkind to lie about someone else, but also that lying and blaming are unacceptable, and you know that the friend could not have done it.

Secondly, there is the issue of your child speaking through the imaginary friend or consulting the imaginary friend on almost everything. When speaking to you or others, make it clear that while you appreciate the fact that the imaginary friend is giving an input, you would like to know what your child actually thinks.

The third issue would arise if the child asked you to do things for their imaginary friend. Make it clear that they need to help their friend themselves, once they will not come to any harm when carrying out the requests.