The newlyweds’ guide to adjusting to married life
GETTING engaged and planning a wedding is a wonderful feeling — you get caught up in the festivities, making the big day special, and going through brochures to hunt for honeymoon destinations. But couples often fail to focus on preparing themselves mentally for their new lives together, and when the honeymoon is over, real life can hit them like a ton of bricks.
As newlyweds, it is important to go into a marriage with an open mind and willingness to accept your partner and his or her ways. Everyone has a different personality and there will be need to compromise in order for the marriage to work. If you had counselling sessions before the nuptials you should be better prepared, but if you didn’t, you’ll have to navigate the choppy waters of marriage without a guidebook.
Dr Sidney McGill, sexologist with the Family Counselling Centre of Jamaica, has some advice for how newlyweds can prepare themselves to adjust to their new lives.
1. Expect to routinely attend to the feelings, needs and wants of your partner. They are now secondary to yours, so compromise and set aside time daily to have in-depth discussions. It is wonderful if it works both ways.
2. See beyond your partner’s faults and recognise their needs. Attack the problem, not your partner.
3. You will have to be mindful of your partner’s presence even if he or she is far away. When your partner is close by, notice the not-so-obvious things about them to gauge their moods.
4. You will need to study your partner’s interests and know what makes him or her tick.
5. Be sure to encourage your partner in their chosen endeavour, as long as it’s worthwhile.
6. Know that you got married because you love your partner. Love is not love until it is expressed. Express it often in ways unique to you. Say it often and be there for your partner in moments when he or she feels fragile or vulnerable.
7. As newlyweds, expect to include each other in financial decisions. You will have to sit and plan a family budget together.
8. Remember, you have two families now. Newlyweds should be prepared to include each other’s families in their holidays and weekend activity planning, especially if children are involved.
