Did you marry the love of your life?

HANS Christian Andersen, the father of fairy tales, has been blamed for his role in developing hapless romantics. Through his many writings about how love should be, many people end up spending their whole lives searching for their one true love.

Some may be lucky and get to marry the love of their lives, but for others there is no “happily ever after” and settling for something else is the solution. We asked readers, did you marry the love of your life? If not, who was she/he?

Alicia J:

When I was about 24 I met the man of my dreams. He was everything young girls are taught to aspire for — educated, professional, skilled, tall, dark, handsome, older, and financially stable. Of course, I thought I had hit the jackpot and so did my family, and I thought he was the one I would spend my future with. He was respectful, independent, treated me like a princess and I respected him and honoured him. Then came reality. We were at two different phases of our lives. I was finishing up my first degree and he was about to be promoted. We were good, but we began wanting different things. I wanted someone to encourage me as I built my career and be there by my side, while he wanted a woman who was at his level — a boss lady, a powerhouse. We drifted apart and met other people — I, someone less powerful in my age group that I could build with, and he, someone who embodied all he desired. But the missing element lingered in the air. I eventually married the new person, and he eventually married the new woman. From time to time we meet up and talk. He can engage me in conversation in a way my husband can’t. Our bond is so close that he knows me better than my husband does. Now we are two separate people with two separate lives who still love each other, but circumstances kept us apart.

Kay-Ann H:

The love of my life is married with three children. I am single. I met him through a mutual friend some years ago and we became best friends. We did everything together; I became acquainted with his family and he with mine. We were able to connect on levels that I cannot connect with anyone else. This person became the ooh to my ahh, the butter to my bread, the white to my rice, but for some reason we were not good lovers. He and I just did not mesh and so we decided to part ways as lovers, but remained friends and over time we were good again. But deep inside that extra warmth existed. I painfully watched him marry someone else and now painfully watch him endure her antics and theatrics and painfully listen and offer advice for them to work things out.

Josiah I:

I will call her Mary. She and I met at a church function but it was casual, hi and bye, each time after that. Eventually, at a retreat we both attended, we were asked to pair up and do an item together. When everyone grabbed a partner she and I were left so we teamed up and decided to sing. I played the keyboard so I accompanied her on the keys to the song and sang along. The harmonies were perfect and from there our friendship grew and blossomed into dates, then we became an official couple. Eventually, Mary left Jamaica to study in England and the long-distance relationship didn’t work. No one called it quits, but once a whole year passed and I heard nothing from her. Eventually, I moved on and got married and she returned. I guess she must have found out what happened because I ran into her at a popular restaurant and she said hello. We spoke and at the end her eyes welled up and she said to me, “I thought I was worth waiting for.” At that point I apologised for not saying anything and she apologised for the breakdown in communication and explained that she was without a phone and mainly used Skype and e-mails to communicate. She said she sent numerous Facebook messages but the last time I checked my Facebook account must have been the day I set it up. Eventually, we would hang out, she met my kids and wife, and we were all good friends. I realised how much I loved her when she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and the going got tough. I assisted her in the battle and stuck by her side when she started deteriorating although some people could not bear to see her that way. When she passed away part of me died that day, too. I did not marry the love of my life, but I am glad she died knowing I never meant to hurt her.

Mark E:

I dated a girl for many years whom I really loved, but somehow things never worked out. We broke up and I married someone I later found out was that girl’s good friend. My wife was in a car accident and died. I found myself in a state of depression for a while and that girl was able to get through to me as a friend and we became close again. We eventually got married and we have children. Some of my friends say I had my cake and ate it, but let’s say it worked out for the best.