The psychology of oversharing on social media

WHAT takes place in the bedroom of a married couple is usually their business. But in recent times, with the advent of technology and social media, details of relationships and marriages are everyone’s business.

According to associate therapist at Family life Ministries Stacy-Ann Smith, a 2014 Pew Research Centre survey revealed that 45 per cent of millennial respondents said their social media accounts had had a “major impact” on their relationships.

She added that some people believe that the more they share the happier they come across, but she cautioned that such an expectation is not always correct.

Smith pointed to research — Expressing the “True Self” on Facebook — conducted by Gwendolyn Seidman of Albright College, USA, and published in Computers in Human Behavior, which found that couples who post their every move on social media score very high on what is called ‘relationship contingency self-esteem’, which means that their self-esteem tends to rise and fall depending on the fluctuations of their relationship.

Smith said these same persons depend on their relationships for validity and self-esteem and others’ approval of their relationship is equally as important.

She said while its healthy to share snaps of you and your partner on social media, oversharing can be a sign that the person is anxious about their relationship. She noted that in many healthy relationships the couples are too busy enjoying the relationship to post it all over social media.

Smith said there are some guidelines that couples must follow while on social media as unlike the marriage bed, social networks are tainted and the standard operating procedure simply cannot be the same.

Below she shares what couples should bear in mind.

1. Privacy

Some veneer of privacy in a day and age of “social media bare all” can be signs of a strong relationship. Smith added that social media and media vloggers have blurred the lines, but a good guideline for digital sharing is considering what you would do in a real-world scenario.

“Imagine your social behaviour happening in person. If you wouldn’t say or do that in front of family, friends and co-workers, then reconsider posting it online,” she said.

2. Social media oversharing can also affect the relationship

“One partner is inevitably more private than the other so be mindful of their desires and gauge their response before posting. Check in with them to verify if what is being posted is okay with them so as not to cause tension or discomfort in the relationship,” Smith said.

3. Keep arguments off social media

Smith said allowing arguments and disagreements to spill over into social media is also an unhealthy sign.

“Arguments are best handled in the privacy of the home to avoid the meddling of outsiders who aren’t privy to all the details and who may hold a grudge way after the squabble is finished,” she said.

4. Not every intimate detail needs to be known

Cute posts for anniversaries and birthdays, the infrequent ode to your partner and the occasional couple selfie are great, but every bathroom break, grocery shopping visit and moments in the bedroom are things you keep off social media or reserve for the family group chat.