Disciplining someone else’s child
AT one point or another parents are caught in the situation — whether it’s when their child has a play date over, at the park, at a family dinner, or even on a school trip where they are serving as a chaperone — where they felt compelled to say or do something about a child who was either behaving badly or using offensive language. But disciplining someone else’s child is not only awkward, it can be tricky business, and while some parents decide to bite their tongues, others believe that they should be able to discipline other children, especially when their child is the victim of the other child’s attack.
We asked parents to share how they would feel about others disciplining their children, and here’s what they had to say:
Janet, 43, phlebotomist:
I don’t think I would have a problem with someone seeing my child doing something rude and addressing it, once it is done appropriately and civilly. Shouting at my child is a definite no-no. What is also a no-no is disciplining my child in front of me; that is my job and I would feel disrespected if you did, and this goes even for family members. Since I do not hit my child, striking my child even if the child did something gravely unacceptable, is never tolerated.
Zavier, 30, writer:
It all depends on the person and their character. If the person doing the disciplining is a family member with good moral standing or say an upstanding citizen in the community, then certainly I would not have an issue, once they do not hurt my child. I am old school and I still believe in the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. On the flip side, I don’t want a parent who can barely speak to their child disciplining mine because, obviously, they are doing something wrong.
Tishauna, 25, customer service representative:
I would be okay with someone else disciplining my child if it is my family and, of course, once they don’t hurt my child. I would not appreciate a stranger doing this though; tell me or the adult whose company she was in at the time so that it can be addressed from there.
Michelle-Lee, 31, web developer:
I dislike the whole idea of people disciplining my child just as much as how I hate people interfering when I am in the process of disciplining my child. Telling me what to do is like questioning whether I am an adequate parent or not. For example, the other day my child, who has a behavioural challenge, had a tantrum when we were in public and while I was trying to calm her the opinions started coming — “likkle girl stop it”,“ look pan her”, “a shoulda my child when mi done…”, and of course, “slap her pan her backside, she too out of order”. I don’t appreciate this and I make it clear, even to family, that if my child cannot be treated with compassion and respect, make all complaints to me so I can talk to my child about it.
Jovis, 26, soldier:
My tolerance of whether or not I am comfortable with someone disciplining my child definitely depends on how they go about it. Ensuring that my child is constantly held to a certain standard is important to me and so discipline is good. I would ask that discipline comes from someone who is mature enough to enforce it. Also, any disciplinary action that’s NECESSARY is acceptable as long as they don’t go as far as to hurt my child.
Latoya, 28, teacher:
I have no problem with someone disciplining my child, just don’t hit them; leave that to me. The only exception is if they are close family members and of course, with my permission.
Amelia, 41, laboratory technician:
I am okay if a stranger disciplines my child if he/she is being a bully, if they are behaving out of character in public, or if my child is in danger or endangering someone else. These things require urgent attention. I have rules, though — never hit my child. I will handle that part and everything should be reported to me or the adult in charge of her at the time.
