Rules about dating that are seriously outdated

FOR the past decade and a half the dynamics of dating have completely evolved. More people are choosing non-conventional mediums — especially with the advent of the internet and its many social media and dating platforms — to meet people, most with the intention of finding love. But this change is not the only one that the dating world has seen; more people are creating their own dating rules, some based on compromises, others on a whim. Regardless, sex therapist Dr Sydney McGill said while some rules have survived the evolution, some are extremely outdated.

“Rules are relevant to everything, but when things change and people change, whether because of education or a new way of socialising, for example, you are going to expect that some things will change. On the dating scene, most of the rules that we have seen become outdated were influenced by religiously informed cultural norms, many of which defined class structural norms,” Dr McGill reasoned.

He shares below some of the most common dating rules that have now been thrown out the window.

1. No sex during dating until marriage

While some intimacy between the dating couple was not completely forbidden, sex before marriage was definitely considered a no-no. The custom was so serious that as soon as a woman would marry, some cultures expected proof of virginity. But now, not only is this custom dying, but more people — men and women alike — are catching on to the not taking any “puss inna bag” mentality, which means more people are testing the waters long before there is any discussion of marriage.

2. Wait for him to make the first move

These days women, especially in light of the concept of equality, are taking the bold step and approaching the men they desire. Some women are so comfortable with this that they have even gone on to propose to their significant others.

3. No sexual intercourse during the first few dating encounters

These days, whether sex happens on the first or fifth date is neither here nor there for many in the dating circle. These days people are working off their energies as opposed to a timeline.

4. Incompatibility because of race, class, religious differences

Race, religion and class, while in some countries still matter, are not much of a factor in the Western world where we see many people completely upsetting the traditions. These days we often see even the three dynamics at play with many dates being successful and the couples moving on to lead healthy married lives.

5. Permission is given by parents, guardians or pastors

Many men feared one thing — that was being turned down by the parents, guardians and/or pastor of a woman whom they were interested in courting. While many children still ask for their parents’ blessing, this is no longer a requirement but a matter of courtesy.

6. Dating was an intention toward marriage

These days people date several people at a time because dating is no longer about marriage. Rather, people date to satisfy sexual and other interests. These dating arrangements also often see people dating multiple partners at a time since their intention is not to focus on any single person.

7. Religious compatibility

In the past, people were encouraged to choose their dating partners from within their fellowship or denomination. Religious beliefs regarding the denomination often heavily influenced decisions in relationships, and this was one way of avoiding conflict.

8. The man pays

In the past one thing was clear: a man pursuing a woman meant that once he invited her to lunch, then he would automatically foot the bill. These days with the changes occurring in dating dynamics, such as women asking men out or women expressing a desire to contribute financially, there has been an increase in the number of people who are choosing to split bills or to take turns paying the bill on dates. So, while most men might still insist on paying for the meal, this is no longer a hard and fast rule.

9. Don’t move in together until you’re engaged or married

Many couples have now started exploring the idea of cohabiting before being engaged or expressing an intention of marriage once they become more serious, because they see it as a way of testing their relationship and getting to know their partners. But years ago many people would not consider it because it went against their moral standards and beliefs, and because of what people, especially those with whom they were religiously aligned, thought.