‘You can’t love the cow and not the calf’

IN most traditional families, the man is the head of the household. This pattern, to a large extent, remains the same even as many men assume step-parent roles.

As such, many blended families have to navigate very complex terrains, one of the most common being the financial conundrums with which they are faced.

All Woman asked a few men if it is a man’s responsibility to financially support his partner’s children, who are not his own, but who are part of his household. This is what they had to say:

Chevaughn, 25, police officer:

No, I do not think that the man should be financially responsible. Yes, he can chip in a here and there, but I don’t think it should be all his responsibility. It is fine if something is short and he can help, but the child’s father should still be his/her or their main provider. At the end of the day though, you have to genuinely love and care for the child or children because it doesn’t make sense that you love the cow and not the calf.

Andrauda, 26, financial analyst:

Yes, once the child or children is a part of the same household, and while he is the head of the household, he should take financial responsibility for the children.

Marland, 39, aviation technician:

My wife came into the marriage with two children whose father contributes at his convenience. She and I later had two children of our own, and it is impossible to tell who is biologically mine and who is not. I love those boys like my own and they are the fruits of my wife, so they are my children, regardless of whose blood runs through their veins or who they look like. I am a man who likes to give children the best of everything and there is never a time that I would go shopping, leave lunch money, buy things and bring them to the house, or as it pertains to anything around the house, make any child feel as though one has more privilege than the other. I am not only serious about taking full financial responsibility for all the children, but I also do not refer to them as my stepchildren or allow anyone else to.

Nemo, 24, chemist:

Not necessarily. I think it depends on the woman’s [their mother’s] financial status. If she can’t afford to take care of the child/children and they live with the man, it should be his responsibility to take care of the woman and the children. You can’t love the cow and not love her calves. However, if the woman is financially stable then it is her job to take care of her children.

Kardo, 45, technician:

Every man is different, but when I was with my ex-girlfriend, I took full financial responsibility for her daughter even before she had a child with me. I didn’t watch what the father was doing, even though he was not doing much. As the man in her life and the father figure present, I did my part.

Kase, 29, photographer:

If it’s a married couple then some things may change the mind of the man as to what his responsibilities are. The man is somewhat entitled to assist, but I do not think it is his full responsibility.

Calmar, 29, school administrator:

If the man knows when he was taking her on that she had children and took her on as his significant other, then it’s his responsibility to care for the child. Once you enter into a relationship you should no longer see the child as your spouse’s addition or accessory of the union but a part of the family.

— Penda Honeyghan