The terrible twos survival checklist

WHETHER your baby hits the ‘terrible twos’ before age two or after, one thing you’ll find out is that even little people have big tempers. They’ll kick and scream every time they get angry or can’t have their way, and this can lead even the best parent to feel like a failure.

But most toddlers go through that stage — when the wants of the heart override all else. And parents should understand that it is a natural part of growing up, though they can tame the tempers somewhat.

Here are some tips for surviving the terrible-twos tempers.

1. If the child is allowed to throw tantrums repeatedly without proper control, it could lead to an overuse of anger to get what the child wants. It is at this early stage that parents should at times ignore a temper tantrum, as the child will soon learn that if they throw a tantrum the parent will not attend to them in that state. Try to address the child’s concerns when the tantrum stops. This will teach the child that the only time they will get attention or what they want is when appropriate behaviour is demonstrated.

2. If the child continues after age two to display frequent angry outbursts, this should merit the attention of a professional to investigate whether there are physiological or psychosocial reasons for this behaviour. The child could be suffering from a number of conditions including attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and the sooner the problem is identified, the sooner the child will be able to get the required help to learn self-control.

3. Children should be taught that all emotions should be used appropriately. The issue arises when one emotion is overused, demonstrating levels of emotional disturbance.

4. Give them time to think about what they did. Tell them stories that encourage patience and empathy, and that discourage violence. Put soothing, calming music (preferably semi-classical) and other calming activities in the area where you send the child for time out.

5. Parents should reason with children about how they are feeling, and they should be allowed to express their feelings. Children can be helped to see the consequences of overusing anger or frequent temper outbursts. They should also be helped to channel their energies into more useful ways of engaging. Children can express how they feel in their drawings or writings, or by whatever other methods they feel most comfortable.

6. Teach them techniques to help them calm down — techniques such as breathing exercises or counting.

7. When they show self-control, acknowledge it. That way they are always reminded of the behaviour that is acceptable to you. When this is done in contrast to you ignoring them or giving them a time out when their behaviour is unacceptable, they will begin to understand what is expected of them.

8. One thing that parents often forget is that children imitate whatever behaviours they see around them. So the next time you decide to tell your friend off or you are having a domestic disagreement, don’t do it in front of the child. You should also try some of the techniques you are teaching your child, if you find yourself struggling to control your own temper.