Unwise entanglements
JADA Pinkett Smith introduced a new word into the 2020 relationship lexicon last week when she described the romantic affair she had with singer August Alsina, while she was temporarily separated from her husband Will Smith, as an “entanglement”. Since she debuted the word on her Red Table Talk show, it was quickly inducted into the social media relationship vocabulary, right up there with ‘toxic’, ‘normalise’ and ‘manifest’.
Based on the context in which the celebrity used the word, an entanglement has been inferred to mean a romantic or sexual relationship between two people that is especially toxic to one party (the entangled), while benefiting the other (the entangler). Entanglements are understood to have no viable chance at a future, and usually involve a third, or even fourth, party.
The following readers think ‘an entanglement’ is the perfect term to describe some of their previous romantic trysts. They share these experiences below:
Shan, 26, remote agent:
I got entangled with a co-worker I knew I should have left alone, because he was having an on/off relationship with my team lead. But he liked me and I liked the attention, so I let myself become entangled. At first it was just a ‘work bae’ thing where we would flirt in passing at the office and nothing more, but soon he started leaving flowers at my desk and calling to check up on me when I was at home. He said he was done with my team lead, but you know how men lie unprovoked. It reached a point where I was either leaving from his house to come to work, or he was coming to get me at mine, and dropping me back home. My team lead got jealous and started writing me up for every little thing, finding fault with everything I did. Before I knew it I lost my job, and not long after that he ghosted me.
Britania, 30, lifeguard:
I have been in a series of entanglements with all the sons of pharaohs, but the one I regret the most was one with my tutor for a summer course I was doing in university. It was a very small class, as only the few of us who had failed the course in the previous semester were taking it. One day it rained heavily and I was the only student who showed up, so we spoke for the two hours and ended up making out in the classroom. He led me to believe that we were on the way to his house that night, but pulled over on the road and started touching me, so we did it in his car. Afterwards he turned the car around and brought me home. I looked him up on social media that night and saw that he was engaged. I felt so cheap and worthless, I just deregistered from the course.
Casey, 32, branding consultant:
I have never been the one entangled before, but in one instance I think I’m guilty of being the Jada in the situation, because I was the entangler. I met this guy who was doing some graphic designs for a campaign I was working on and I could tell from the jump that he was into me. I really wasn’t feeling him, but I could see how his interest in me caused him to go above and beyond to impress me with his work, so I didn’t exactly turn him down. I played cat and mouse with him for the six months I was with the company. That’s when I saw how entangled he had become. I was ready to cut my losses and move on, but the poor thing thought we were heading into a serious relationship.
Keith, 34, auto technician:
I was working on a car for a friend of a friend recently, but his common-law wife operated a restaurant in the same yard so she was there everyday while her husband went to work. It was mainly just the two of us in the yard until midday when the place got busy. I don’t know if it’s the food that she used to tie me up or what, but we got into a piece of entanglement! I was taking longer than necessary to fix the car just so I could stay there a bit longer. When her husband started getting vex at how long I was taking, I tried to apply for the side man position, but she wasn’t willing to take the risk.
Tanesha, 36, librarian:
I must admit that I was wrong, but I still don’t feel terrible for what I did. My husband was basically ignoring me — not communicating at all, and not wanting to show me any affection, I guess, because he was so busy with the new company that he’d just started. So when this guy, who I used to work with and who had migrated, hit me up and said he’d be in Jamaica for a week and wanted to see me because we had “unresolved business”, I jumped at the chance to be needed again. We spent a few days together and he woke up every part of me that had been dead. Everytime I think about it, I shiver. My husband doesn’t have a clue, and is still being difficult, so when he gets like that I just imagine what was. Fact is, the guy still messages me and wants me to come see him after COVID, but I don’t want that temptation again, because if I go there, I won’t be able to stop.
