Affairs of the heart
CHEATING is not always just physical. Sometimes it doesn’t ever become physical. Emotional affairs have been known to spring up from regular communication with someone outside of a relationship, then take root and grow into strong feelings. The parasitic vine of forbidden emotions can become so thick and intrusive that it begins to stifle the original relationship.
While friendships with members of the opposite sex can be completely normal, platonic, and even healthy, many spouses become wary when a ‘bestie’ is too close to their partners, because they fear emotional affairs. Still, whether it’s because their relationship is lacking something, or they stumbled into the entanglement blindly, many people find themselves bound to someone outside of their marriage or relationship.
These readers tell All Woman how they found themselves in emotional affairs.
Anastacia, 26, medical student:
I was dating this older man a few years ago. He was 13 years my senior, although it didn’t feel like there was a big gap most of the time, and I really loved him. But there were certain things that I just couldn’t talk about with him, that people in my age group would be more interested in, so I would tell one of my batchmates about those things instead. He was also in a relationship. After a while it started feeling like my batchmate and I were a sort of temporary escape for each other. I realised I liked talking to him more, and even started fantasising about making love to him. He felt it too, and he was less careful than I was so his girl got suspicious and started lurking on my social media. I couldn’t deal with the drama, so I ended it.
Mark, 33, auto repair technician:
We didn’t really mean for it to be an affair, but it’s a girl that I checked from high school days. She went through some things with her abusive babyfather and I was the one she would call on when she needed some help or just to talk. I helped her to find a place, and she didn’t know anybody there so I used to go check on her every now and then until it became a weekly routine to visit her before I’d go home on Fridays. She would always cook something nice, and I’d bring something for her and the baby. One thing led to another and we became intimately involved, and we both felt guilty about it. She asked me just to not come by anymore.
Shernette, 35, real estate agent:
My ex-husband was a great man but he was a very busy man. I also work full time, but he was in a more senior role and it was a demanding job. I understood, and I didn’t really mind at first, but it felt like he only came home to sleep and leave again. I felt like it broke his heart when I tried to tell him how I felt, because he couldn’t really help it so I joined Facebook just looking to reconnect with some old friends to pass the time. Long story short, one of the old friends was a guy, and things happened quickly and feelings developed, but we never met up in person. My husband noticed that I was on my phone more and he automatically thought I was cheating. That opened a whole can of worms and that was the beginning of the end of our marriage. I never cheated on him though.
Kamila, 28:
My boyfriend had cheated on me, and although I felt like I forgave him, it really bruised my ego. I felt like I wasn’t enough for him. He hardly ever noticed me. But this guy at my workplace would compliment me every morning, and I always thought of what he would say when I was getting dressed in the mornings. I started getting really excited to see him at work, and just be around him. We would text and occasionally go out for lunch together, but we never spoke outside of work hours. I didn’t realise we were having an emotional affair until he got a job offer and asked me if I was OK with him leaving. I told him, ‘Of course’.
