Pregnant, depressed, resentful
DEAR DR MITCHELL,
I am pregnant for a man who I now believe forced me to have intercourse when I did not want to. He apologised after, but I’ve been obsessed with reading a lot of articles on consent, and I can’t help but resent him. I also find that I’m resenting the baby, and I just do the bare minimum — sometimes I don’t take my prenatals or eat right, because I’m so depressed about having a baby with this man. As the months go on, I get even more depressed, and at times I think of adoption, or worse. I am having a baby in two months. How can I change my thought process, and have a healthy pregnancy? How can I accept this baby? I just feel sometimes that my baby will have the genetics of a criminal, and I can’t stand that thought.
I am truly sorry to learn about the unwanted sexual experience that you were exposed to and the consequent feelings of depression. I totally agree that you should not have been forced into this situation. It is important that the person involved accepts and acknowledges that he has done something that is unacceptable. You mentioned that he did apologise.
You do not deserve to be punished mentally for his actions. I am sure that the baby will be a huge blessing in your life and will definitely warm your heart. The baby is a totally innocent part of this unfortunate situation. This baby will always be a part of you and you have to start eating properly, taking your prenatal vitamins and lifting your spirits in order to have the best outcome. You will only hurt yourself and your unborn child if you do not care for yourself. You will also definitely need to keep up with your regular antenatal visits to ensure that the outcome is good.
You should think hard about the many questions that you are grappling with right now. It is important to seek professional counselling and discuss your feelings with someone you trust. If you have good and sound support from family members you will definitely be able to mentally and physically cope with caring for your baby.
The future is unknown for everyone, so it’s important that you stop feeling like a victim. The actions of the father of your child do not mean that he has criminal genes that will be passed down to your baby.
Think of your baby as a real blessing from God who will change your life in a positive way. It is important to share your thoughts with your obstetrician and get some guidance.
I’m wishing for you happiness and peace of mind for the next weeks leading up to your delivery. I’m also praying for a safe delivery and a life of happiness with your newborn.
Best regards.
Dr Sharmaine Mitchell is an obstetrician and gynaecologist. Send questions via e-mail to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com; write to All Woman, 40-42 1/2 Beechwood Avenue, Kingston 5; or fax to 876-968-2025. All responses are published. Dr Mitchell cannot provide personal responses.
DISCLAIMER:
The contents of this article are for informational purposes only, and must not be relied upon as an alternative to medical advice or treatment from your own doctor.
