‘I couldn’t bring love to the shop’
TINA Turner asked a question in 1984 that many of us have found ourselves asking time and time again — what’s love got to do with it? — and the answer, for many us, has been ‘Not much’. Oftentimes we love someone deeply, but the challenges that befall us in the relationship are too hard to be penetrated by Cupid’s arrow.
While it’s never an easy decision to make, many women have mulled it over and determined that they’d prefer to live without the love of their lives than endure certain unbearable circumstances that come with the second-hand emotion.
These women tell All Woman when love just wasn’t enough to make them stay in a relationship:
Gene, 35, store clerk:
I really loved my children’s father, but he had a serious drinking problem that he didn’t want to admit or get help for, so I had to leave. He didn’t get drunk and become abusive or anything. His alcohol tolerance was actually great because he never seemed drunk. But he was always drinking, and liquor is expensive! Every little money we had seemed to go right back to his bar bill. He was always getting into money trouble with his clients because of it, and he would borrow money from me to pay them back, then my money vanished too. I know he really loved me and he is hard-working, but at the end of the day I couldn’t bring love and ambition to the shop and get food in return. I moved on with my life.
Jade, 32, interior decorator:
I was hesitant to date my ex, because he had two kids and I didn’t want to be involved in baby mama drama, and since I didn’t have any children yet, I ideally want my children to have all their siblings in the same home. Anyway I ignored the red flags and dated this man. A few months into the relationship the mother of his first child stopped by the house to tell me that he wasn’t paying any child support or visiting his son, so she was asking me to talk to him. I found it strange because almost every weekend he had left the house saying he was going to look for his kids. When he came home he said she was lying. When the other baby mother called me up a few months down the line and basically cursed me out for ‘nyamming’ out the man so he didn’t spend on his daughter, I knew I had to go. There’s no way I could stick around until I became one of those unlucky women.
Neci, 27, researcher:
He confessed to me late one night, after we had an argument and made up, that he beat his girlfriend before me. I was so shocked, I asked him to explain and he kept saying he wasn’t like that anymore, but she would just do some upsetting things and provoke him and tease him until he couldn’t stop himself, and he choked her a few times and ‘boxed’ her once, but only because she was hitting him repeatedly. I tried to forget it but trust me, I couldn’t. This man is 6’3 and about 200 pounds, and as time went on we started arguing more and more. I was afraid to say certain things to him out of fear. I slowly broke things off with him.
Kimone, 40, entrepreneur:
Boy, I didn’t know love could be too much, but when it’s the only thing somebody has to offer, it can be annoying. I was talking to this man who was very attentive and always one call away. He said he works in construction, but I never yet heard his background sounding like he was on a site. As daylight he was texting, and if I allowed him, he would talk to me until I fell asleep again. He made me feel so guilty sometimes for not texting back when I was at work. One day I asked him how he had so much free time and he said things were a bit slow for him, and he was waiting for them to pick up. I waited and waited, but he was still so clingy and unoccupied that I couldn’t bear it anymore.
