The most deceitful, conniving men we’ve ever met

WE are all guilty of bending the truth — a little white lie here and there — to protect our partners’ feelings or to avoid conflict at some point. But what never did make sense is how men can claim to love, yet deceive women at the same time — leading secret lives and closeting parts of themselves that the women never get to see, knowing that the truth is likely to lead to shocking, painful, devastating realisations that will shatter the women.

Below, women who are still healing from wounds of deception share how men they once loved betrayed their trust with shameless lies.

Gizzel, 30, mixologist:

My ex used to stay at the hotel I was working at regularly because his job brought him to that side often. Before long we kicked things off and for a while, things went well, but we agreed on keeping separate living spaces. Things were great for a little over a year — I saw him most weekends and sometimes in the week he would take leave from work and spend up to two weeks with me and I can’t think of a time to this day that the man acted suspiciously. Maybe I am the naive one, but I got his undivided attention, and he took good care of me, so I believed all that he said. Then one weekend, while he was with me but had left for a work meeting, I got a call from a woman — she identified herself and shared with me that she was his wife of nine years (together for 12), mother of his two sons, and a partner in one of his businesses. I nearly got a stroke. I couldn’t believe it — this man was making plans with my friends for an engagement party and promised me a family. I felt so much pain for this woman I did not know because I unknowingly had caused her pain. I confronted him, and this man, who had told me he was “as single as a dollar bill” begged me for time to clean things up. I made sure his things were packed and ready the next day and sent him home to his wife. For a long time I didn’t talk to him, but I eventually did just for closure. I can happily say now that he is out of my system and I am past that.

Annaliese, 36, pharmacy technician:

I found out recently that my top shot sales executive hunk of a man was, or maybe still is (I no longer trust anything that comes out of his mouth), a gigolo. According to him, these assignments are never sexual and he doesn’t take local jobs because he wants to protect me. Can you imagine the audacity of this man? He says it’s not a big deal and a lot of his friends do it because of the money and the perks. Here I was thinking that the man was doing this well by simply being a sales guru. This has just got to be the biggest shocker of my life!

Anna kay, 29, debt collector:

Two years ago, at almost seven months pregnant, I was notified by my health care provider that I had a STI that required treatment immediately to reduce the risk to the foetus. My husband swore blind that it was the one indiscretion before the pregnancy and his treatment must not have worked. I wasn’t entirely convinced, but he spent most of the time tending to me because the pregnancy had been difficult.

I confirmed my worst fears when the twins were about seven months old. He had the result of a panel test dated three weeks before I learned about the infection. When I confronted him, would you believed the man tried to smooth things over by telling me he was slipping treatment for the STI into my smoothies, because he would never do anything to hurt me and the kids, and he didn’t want to cause me any stress.

Tricia, 34, nurse:

I was with this guy who was a little more over the top than most guys that I would usually date — classy, but flashy. He showed me properties and cars and so on that he owned, he would wine and dine me, give me luxurious gifts, etc. He told me he was doing well in his business (a real estate company). I believed, especially because his last name was part of the company’s name. Things were going well with us, until close to a year in. I was missing money from my house at first, jewellery went missing and stuff, and so I moved because I thought the friend I shared the house with was stealing from me. A couple weeks later we were out when collectors came to repossess one of his vehicles, and from then it was like an old house tumbling down on me. The man didn’t own any of the properties that he showed me, and we were having sex in a client’s house as I would later learn (he was just staying there without permission) and also, he wasn’t a partner in the company — his uncle was trying to help him out and teach him the ropes of the business. Also, all the wining and dining and fancy things … all of it was with the company’s credit card. To this day I don’t know how he was able to set up this grand scheme, undetected, for so long.

Michelle, 40, insurance agent:

I would say that the biggest deception for me was when my husband used our house title and everything inside the house to get a loan to start a business behind my back. By the time I found out what he did, he had squandered most of the money and pretended that things were coming together in his business. This is not what hurt me most though, after all was said and done and I used up some savings to save the house and got things on track with the bank, the man pretended to be paying his agreed 35 per cent of the monthly loan amount and diverted all calls and e-mails from the bank to himself. I was devastated when the bailiff turned up at our gate. I decided that I couldn’t go on like that. I just had to let go of everything and move on; the man was going to suck me dry and send me six feet under.