How ‘experts’ like Derrick Jaxn ruined our lives

YOUTUBER, ‘relationship guru’ and author Derrick Jaxn was the name on everybody’s lips last week — the man who had spent time and made copious amounts of money giving people relationship advice was outed for having affairs during his marriage.

Quite a number of memes followed the revelation, made in the presence of his seemingly supportive wife, and many people were up in arms as they felt fooled by the man who had offered them advice and strategies for strengthening their relationships, even when he was actively participating in the crumbling of his.

His revelations raised the issue of how fundamentally flawed humans are, and why we really shouldn’t take anyone’s words or experiences as gospel, even when they present themselves as experts. It also revived some hard-to-stomach memories for the people below, who took relationship and life advice from their own Derrick Jaxn-type experts, only to be burned.

Doreth, 45:

I ended my common-law relationship on the advice of my pastor who said that after I got baptised I wasn’t supposed to live in sin anymore. And so I gave the father of my children an ultimatum — marry me or else I had to leave. He laughed, and asked if I was certain, and told me that the worst thing I could do was try to pressure a man into such a commitment. I took the kids and went to my mother’s house, while hoping that he would come to his senses. A year and a half later he was engaged to the new woman he started living with after me, and he subsequently married her. Years later I am still single, and still waiting for the man the Lord should have provided, and my children resent me for separating them from their father.

Shauna, 32:

I grew up in a church where the greatest sin was to be unequally yoked with a partner, so when I met this great guy at university I knew that even though he was perfect, the fact that he was Catholic and I, Adventist, meant that we couldn’t have a serious relationship. He was all for it, and I even toyed with the idea, and hypothetically raised the issue with my mentor, who immediately rubbished the idea. So that was set — no way could we ever be more than friends. Fast forward years later, I am unhappily married to someone from my faith, and he is happily married to an Adventist girl, whose family obviously didn’t have the same concerns mine would have. She still practices her faith and he goes to his church, and somehow, they make it work.

Omar, 30:

My friends told me that a girl I liked “belonged to the streets”, and even though I said her past didn’t matter, they wouldn’t stop dissing her whenever I mentioned her name. So I stopped showing interest and moved my attention elsewhere. And wouldn’t you know it, one of the same guys who used to crucify her, started dating her, and now they have a kid together.

Anthony, 45:

This happened years ago when I was a youth in church, climbing through the ranks. I would take this girl to church with me, I liked her a lot — a lot — and saw her as my future wife. But she didn’t belong to the same faith, and even though she would visit my church, she refused to stop wearing make-up or jewellery. I didn’t mind personally as I loved her independence, and God, was she fascinating, but my relationship with God meant that pretty soon I was moving up in the church, and was soon appointed youth pastor. Then the talks started with the elders — I would soon have to settle down, and they started suggesting the names of suitable women in the church. I was in a dilemma — choose the girl I liked and leave, or choose someone else who was more in line with the teachings of my faith. I chose the latter, and my girl was totally devastated. When I say she took it hard, I’m not kidding. She took it so hard that when I told her of my engagement, she migrated. Fast forward to today, I’m still married, with a kid, and so is the only woman I ever loved. I still keep up with her on social media, and we’ve met up a couple times and she seems happy, but I can’t help wondering what if I had followed my heart all those years ago, if I would have been more content in my life.

Shelly, 37:

I was taught to save myself for my husband, and even though there were episodes where there was temptation, I managed to stay pure. It was something that was celebrated when I was getting married — pastor gave a whole speech about purity and how I, even at 34, had obeyed God’s word. Well, wouldn’t you know that after the wedding night I realised that it wasn’t that serious, and now I wish that I had more experience. I love my husband, but sometimes I wonder if this is it; if this is all the life I’m supposed to live, because from what I’ve read and watched on TV, he’s not giving me all of that and I wish I didn’t miss out because I feel disappointed.