Parenting Challenges

PARENTS may find it difficult to understand the concept of building a trustworthy relationship with their children. The fact is, children do not automatically put their trust in a parent; that trust must be earned if the parent wishes to have a positive influence on that child.

This is particularly important for children in their formative years (one to seven years old) as children are more likely to do what their parents do regardless of what they say. Therefore, for parents, your words must match your actions if you want to cultivate in your children necessary life skills such as honesty and decency. Parents must develop a working understanding to be mindful of what they do while a child is in their presence. More importantly, parents must be aware that principles and systems of belief are passed on to children subliminally and this at times will create a level of confusion to the child if what they see and what they hear are in vast contrast to each other.

The fact is, children are exposed to adult materials from an early age and this contributes to the breakdown of trust that a child may have had for a parent. Adult material may be as simple as a conversation that is bashing a neighbour or an R-rated movie. These seemingly simple activities happen in the majority of homes in our country and must be addressed in open and honest discussions. Children must not be privy to content that is not appropriate for their age, and parents must at all times be aware of what their children are doing. When a parent sets a standard for their child to abide by, this helps to foster a solid relationship between the child and parent. This level of openness helps to build a strong and lasting relationship between the child and the parent.

One may ask, how does a parent monitor a child in this Information Age when almost every child has a smartphone or an iPad? One of the first things a parent can do to monitor their child’s online activity is to establish ground rules for the use of these technologies. Set a specific time for the use of a phone or tablet; a child must not have free access to these technologies at will. When the child understands that there is a set number of hours that they can use these devices, they will make the best of use of it when it is given to them.

Additionally, monitor your child’s online activity. Maybe at this point, I should remind parents of the fact that they are the adults in this situation. Too many times parents are afraid to address matters with their children that only escalate into other major situations. However, monitoring your child’s phone may result in some resistance from the child which is expected; but you must explain to your child your concern for their welfare and their safety. Make sure to discuss your concerns with them, for example, meeting people online, cyberbullying, or pornography.

Additionally, parents are encouraged to seek help where necessary for children who seem to be defiant. Male teenage boys sometimes prefer to talk or reason with older men while teenage girls may prefer to talk with older women. But, whatever you do as the parent, get your child to discuss these issues with someone they respect and trust.

Parents, you also have the ability to listen to what your child is not saying verbally. You are able to read their actions; actions that sometimes speak louder than words and actions that may have far-reaching effects if you as the parent do not intervene. It is also important to understand that your child is watching to see what you as the parent will allow them to do. The proverbial saying ‘give them an inch and they take a mile’ is relevant in this situation; as children will watch to see what will be your reaction when they do things that they know you as their parent will not approve of. Children will start with simple behaviours and watch to see what will be the outcome. They are testing to see what they can and cannot get away with. Therefore, you must set out to stop these seemingly harmless and innocent behaviours before they grow into something uncontrollable.

Winward T Dale, PhD candidate , is a developmental therapist and special education teacher. Contact him at winwardale@gmail.com.