Master manipulator
WE encounter manipulative people in almost every aspect of our lives — at work, school, in our families and even in romantic relationships. If you are unfortunate enough to find yourself helplessly in love with a devious, master manipulator, the sad truth is you may never realise that you are merely a puppet dancing to the tunes of your master in the story of your own life until you are crumbling at centre stage and someone either comes to rescue you or you find the will to live.
Regrettably, relationship counsellor Wayne Powell says that manipulation is not always easy to spot because it can take extremely subtle forms, and often the victim only realises what is happening when the damage is already done. Not to worry though, if you feel that your partner is playing mind games with you, Powell shares eight signs that may help you to decide.
They always play the victim
Your partner is always blaming you, all while assuming the role of victim. As soon as anything happens, they make it your fault and you are always wrong. Many of them will go to great lengths to twist the truth or lie outrightly in an attempt to appear innocent of any wrongdoing.
They are always vague with wants and needs
Your partner seems incapable of asking for what they want and need directly. They want to make sure that there is plenty of wiggle room in their statements so that they can pretend not to have said something or that they made a particular request.
They do not allow you any privacy
They will violate your privacy, but act like you asking them about what they do is uncalled for and irrational. Also, they have complete disregard for your property, but you can’t touch their belongings because it is “disrespectful”.
They consistently monitor you
Your partner demands that you communicate with them every hour on the hour—this is so that they can keep tabs on you and make sure that the events of your day that you told them about line up with what you are doing at the moment. Outside of knowing the errands you have to complete, they also want to know the places you will be, who you will be with, why, and for how long. Some of them go as far as to put tracking devices on your phone and car because they “can’t trust you”.
They brainwash you
Your partner dominates you and effectively makes you a prisoner in your own life. Your partner exerts so much control over you that you are only able to do what he says. This form of manipulation is so extreme that you are not even allowed to think for yourself.
They constantly judge you (even in front of others)
They will put you down in front of others and, if extremely skilled, will be able to get others to do the same. This is often disguised as humour; however, it doesn’t take much for you (and others) to realise that what they are doing is ridiculing and dismissing you.
They always want you to prove that you love them
Unfortunately, no matter how much you tell or even show your partner that you love them, they will always want proof. In fact, it will be the main threat they will use to get you to do things that you don’t readily want to do.
They use guilt to control you
Your partner constantly brings up things from the past that they said that you were forgiven for, or brings up things that you would have confided in them to force your hand. They will either threaten to share your secrets or cause you to feel bad all over again about mistakes that you made. You are however never allowed to bring up their wrongs against you because that makes you bitter, for it means that you never truly forgave them.
