…And then came baby
WE’VE all heard it before – once a baby comes along your life will never be the same. The fact is, the woes of pregnancy and childbirth can significantly change the dynamics of romantic relationships.
Fortunately for some couples, they experience a closeness that they never before had, while others simply fall apart.
But, as we learnt from some women we interviewed, one of the most devastating realities of this experience is its unmatched ability to unmask men who seem to morph into chameleons overnight and exhibit unfeeling, uncaring, and self-absorbed traits.
Did your man make a 180 when, or before, your little love came along? Women who discovered the true monsters their partners were capable of being post-baby share their stories below:
Anicka, 31, financial advisor:
My baby’s father was excited to get a son and was all boastful, talking about all he would do for him – all the sports and things he was going to teach him and so on. But, the only thing he does now is to make sure that food is in his child’s belly. I am grateful for that, but the man who was so attentive and even read to my belly and played classical music is gone. Now, as soon as he has a day off, he is on the roadside. And if he is on the night shift, he is on the roadside. You would think that in the pandemic he would try to bond and teach our son a little football and so on, but that does not happen. If anybody had told me that he would be like this, I would have told them that they were lying. This one caught me off guard, to be honest with you.
Janice, 34, HR assistant:
The pregnancy wasn’t planned, but I thought the baby was a gift. He said we would figure things out. However, with each passing month, he seems to love me a little less. This sweet, loving man has become withdrawn, he won’t touch me, doesn’t seem to be in tune with my feelings and desires, and if I mention it, he will snap and remind me that he has more serious things to think about, and will soon have another mouth to feed. It hurts me every time I think about it, because it feels like he is punishing me. I am due to have the baby soon and I am no longer excited. I didn’t get pregnant on purpose and I want to get through to him, but he doesn’t seem to be able to tolerate even the sight of me.
Sheryl, 37, business owner:
I am on the plus side and I gained more weight when I was pregnant. My husband would talk about it all the time. He would always police what I ate and grab food from me, and basically would always say that he didn’t want our child to inherit my poor eating habits. Anyway, fast-forward to after the baby and let me just tell you, from the moment our son was born he has been criticising me. “You can’t say you look like that because you are pregnant, because of water retention, or give any other excuse. You are choosing to be unattractive and you are a turn off,” he says often. No matter how much I try, he would look down at me and criticise me. Nothing I do is good enough anymore. Something is always wrong with the food, the house, the clothes I wear, how I hold the baby, the way I walk… It’s so bad that I think my existence bothers him and this all happened between pregnancy and after giving birth. He is truly a narcissist. I don’t know how I missed the signs.
Charmaine, 33, unemployed:
Before I had our daughter, this man would take care of me, even though I didn’t need it. I was working my own money. Of course, I felt like I didn’t need to worry about things for our daughter. Initially, he would take on most of the monthly financial burden, and I would make my contribution to some things. I lost my job when the pandemic hit, and all of a sudden he is making me feel like I am a burden. He criticises everything that I do, accuses me of neglecting him for the baby, continuously exalts himself, and makes comments like, “At least you can do something right,” after sex.
