Drunk… and disorderly date stories

THE journey to love is riddled with many uncertainties; the dating stage, in particular, is notorious for its many disasters. It seems that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. But if you are still moping about how miserable and embarrassing your date was because there were some awkward silences, aahs, and uhms, then wait until you read the awful date stories of these All Woman readers, because then, you may probably consider your encounter a blessing.

Miska, 32, teacher:

I always knew that I struggled with hormone issues. I was always self-conscious about myself and I took extra precautions to make sure I never did get “green”. I was dating this guy for about three months when he asked me to stay the night. The next day I told him I needed to get home. I knew I was sweaty, but I didn’t realise how bad until my odour started to dominate the smell of his air fresheners. He stopped the car and was sniffing the air like a dog, and asked if I smelled something off. I just told him no, knowing that my armpits were playing karate. I just told him to wind the windows down so we could get fresh air instead. The next month was my birthday and in addition to a cute piece of jewellery, he bought me a bunch of powder-based deodorants, body washes, and two expensive perfume fragrances. I wasn’t sure what to make of that gift.

Shamar, 36, operations manager:

I went on a double date once. We had a good day at the beach — swam, ate, and had fun, had some good conversation too. Anyway, when we were leaving the north coast I checked in on my date to see if she wanted anything, and she told me no. I am vegetarian so I went next door to grab a salad and my friend and his date said they would head to get a burger. My date said that her legs were tired and she was going to sit with them in the restaurant. Even though she told me that she wasn’t hungry, I still squeezed her $2,000 in case she changed her mind.

When they got there, my friend asked her if she wanted anything. She told him that she wasn’t hungry, so he bought food for himself and his date. He is a big eater, so he bought a second burger and a milkshake as an add-on. Anyway, I walked in seeing my girl having a milkshake, so I thought it was good that she had changed her mind. What came as a shock was when she asked my friend, when he was two bites in on his second burger, to try it. She devoured his meal and pretended as though nothing happened. It was not until we were on our way home that I learned that she had also consumed his milkshake. I wanted to sink into the ground the way I was embarassed.

Celina, 38, nurse:

I went by a guy’s place, a nice uptown apartment. He had cooked for me — salmon and sautéed shrimp with herbed potatoes. We had it with sweet white wine and were chatting and laughing when I heard a knock on the door. My mind immediately rushed to the thought of a woman coming to beat me for her man. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case, but it was his landlord scolding him about his rent being due. He was red in the face and I felt bad for him too. I didn’t know these things happened uptown.

Elon, 38, engineer:

I invited a girl out, I was a UTech student at the time, so you know I was on a budget. The point is though, she didn’t mention to me that she had invited a third party. She never explained anything to me, just introduced her friend, and pretended as if all was well. Anyways, we talked, though most of the conversation was really between them, and we ate and laughed. The waitress asked about the bill and without consulting me, she confirmed I would be paying for all three meals that night. It wasn’t a big deal; it was just the lack of principle that got me irritated. The next thing that bothered me was just how rude and unnecessarily difficult they were in dealing with the waitress.

I handled the bill, but with the vulgar laughing and carrying on, at this point I was ready to leave, especially because I am sure the manager was going to have to come to tell them to keep it down. I asked if they wanted anything else. They both took pastries to go. I was fine with that too. What made me angry was when I witnessed the friend take the $1,700 cash I had left in the bill presenter as a tip for the waitress. I couldn’t confront her, but I couldn’t leave and not tip the kind waitress. I turned back and gave her $2,000 in hand.

TJ, 29, warehouse supervisor:

I was on this date two years ago with a young lady from another department at work. She was a little rough around the edges, but I liked her vibe. We had been hanging out a good six weeks when my friend invited us to a birthday surprise dinner. In the middle of dinner, my girl passed gas and dared to ask, “Weh the whole a unnu a look pan mi fa? Unnu nuh poop too?” I almost fainted and immediately lost my appetite. Days later she was still insisting that she didn’t see the big deal and we were too stuck up.

Simone, 29, student:

I went out with a big guy one time, pretty cool dude. It must have been about our fourth date and we went to the bar. The man drank himself drunk and passed out on the lounge chairs. He didn’t know himself, was drooling over the people’s furniture, and was snoring. I wanted to leave him there, but I stayed and a couple of guys helped me put him in a taxi. To this day, every time I talk about the incident I cringe.