7 ways to be a better parent
NO one hit adulthood with the innate ability to be a good parent and, even after becoming parents, many of us struggle with knowing what it takes to excel at it. In fact, for many people it’s trial and error — you try to see what works with the first kid, and repeat the steps you followed with subsequent ones.
Other people feed off the experiences of friends and family, as well as advice from experts about how to raise a child who will thrive physically, emotionally and spiritually. It’s an extremely difficult task to master, but it’s possible to get better in various areas, even if perfection is not achieved.
How can you become a better parent? Child and family social worker Joe Johnson said these seven tips can help.
1. Listen to your children
No matter the age of your child, once they start to verbalise their thoughts and needs, no matter how busy you are, spare some time to listen. “This way they know that you’re always in their corner to offer advice or an ear for them to vent, and they will always seek out your counsel first,” he said. “Also, it’s in listening that we will know what kind of humans we’re raising, so we can steer them straight if they’re veering off path.”
2. Know their friends
Especially when they become teenagers, they won’t want you in their business, but if you make it your duty to show interest in who their friends are from early, they will know what to expect when they’re older, Johnson said. “You may think that friends don’t matter, but these are the people who will influence the decisions your child will make, good or bad. So know who their friends are, and also introduce yourself to their friends’ parents.
3. Know them inside out
You know how when they’re babies you know everything — what they like to eat, when they like to eat, what makes them happy or sad? This shouldn’t change as they grow. In fact, knowing about your child at each step of their growth journey will help you realise when something is off, so you can address it.
4. Be your child’s cheerleader
It’s easy to cheer your child on when they’re making A’s and being nominated for positions in school, but what of the child who’s not performing as you’d like? “Be your child’s cheerleader even if they’re not living up to your academic or other expectations,” Johnson said. “You’re not encouraging complacency, but let them know that you will always support them, no matter what.”
5. Be mouldable
We always want our children to be one thing, and will bend them into what we imagine they should be, but what about us? As parents we should also be willing to adjust ourselves, our thoughts, beliefs, and parenting styles, if needs be. “You can’t get through to this generation of children using methods of, for example, punishment that your parents used,” Johnson said. “So be willing to adapt — it can’t be a hard and fast rule, especially if you expect the child to adjust too.”
6. Make time for your kids
“This is not just the few minutes between work calls, or the little break you have for lunch — make actual time for each of your children,” Johnson said. “If you have to schedule it in, do that, but your child should feel that they’re an important part of your day, and not just a distraction. And this time should be spent doing what they want, and not what you want, or what you assume that they should want.”
7. Be someone they can emulate
Every parent wants the perfect child, one they can brag to their family and friends about. But not many parents try to be the perfect parents, with qualities their children can model.
“Remember that children are humans, too, and are very perceptive, so they will eventually realise when you are being hypocritical in your ways and views. Live the life that you won’t be ashamed of your children mimicking, and you’d be surprised how everything just falls into place,” Johnson said.
