What is something you regret sharing with your friends?
FRIENDS are supposed to be our sounding boards, those people we bounce ideas off, share information with, including secrets, and who are supposed to offer support and guidance.
There’s a trust factor with true friendships — you know where you stand, you know that what you say won’t leave that discussion, and there’s that code that shouldn’t be broken.
But bestselling author Sophie Kinsella sets out what happens many times in friendships in the book Shopaholic Ties the Knot. “This is what happens. You tell your friends your most personal secrets, and they use them against you.”
What is something about your relationship that you regret sharing with your friends? We asked some readers and this is what they said.
Kemba, 42, veterinary assistant:
I told my friend that my daughter’s father had gotten someone else pregnant while I was also pregnant, but we were working things out because we loved each other. I just wanted someone to talk to, because we had decided that we wouldn’t really tell everybody. Well, within days our entire friend network knew, because she had shared the information to everyone who would listen. It was such a deeply personal thing for me to deal with, and worse, I had to deal with criticism from other people when I wasn’t yet ready. They also harshly judged him, even though we’d been briefly separated when he made the mistake. From that I learnt to only talk to God about my problems and not to trust anyone.
Keith-Ann, 30, enrol nurse:
I told a very good friend — I’ve known this person from childhood — that my fiancé had cheated, and worse, caught a disease, and that I had to get tested too. I assumed that she would keep it to herself because she had never betrayed me before. But she told a lot of people, and it reached the stage where they were discussing me in a WhatsApp group. That was so humiliating, especially because of the field I’m in.
Stephanie, 25, health care assistant:
I told my sister, who’s my best friend, that my husband was worse in bed than my ex. Girlfriend did nothing but tell my aunt, who can’t keep her mouth shut. My husband didn’t find out what I did, luckily, but half my family members did and I had to curse my sister out for not understanding boundaries. Now several people in my family look at my husband weird and laugh during family gatherings, and he doesn’t even know why.
Theriece, 37, physical education teacher:
I told a colleague that I was having challenges getting pregnant, and that my husband and I were going to try fertility treatments. I shared the information because she had also had treatment at the same facility, and I wanted her to share her experience. I soon heard from another colleague that I must be the problem because my husband “don’t look” like a gelding. It’s been very embarrassing, because I expected to be having a mature conversation with someone sensible, and she turned it into something humiliating.
Marceline, 40, musician:
I told a mate that my ex pleased me very well, and I guess I was too convincing, because she tried him out for herself. I didn’t even find out until long after, and that’s not why we broke up, but he did reveal that she came onto him strong and he just couldn’t resist. I didn’t even follow up with her after to see how she rated him. So yes, keep the details of how good your man is in bed to yourself.
Journey, 26, actress:
When I got pregnant a few years ago I contemplated several scenarios, including adoption and abortion, because I wasn’t in a good place mentally at the time, even though I had the full support of my now husband. I spoke to a friend, and before I could spin around, another acquaintance was on the phone asking me how I could even consider such a decision. We eventually agreed that we would keep the baby, but it was so disappointing that something shared in confidence with a friend could be used for gossip and judgement with other people who I wasn’t even that close to.
