Here’s the manual for long-lasting relationships

THE topics of marriage and sex have always been of keen interest to Apostle Dr Neva Campbell, developed through conducting counselling sessions with married couples for the last 16 years.

Putting pen to paper, Campbell, who heads Kingdom 180 International in Portmore, St Catherine, authored the inspirational and motivational Marriage – Not Just Sex: A Guide to a Lasting Relationship, which is designed to serve as a manual for premarital and marital counselling.

“The truth is, I started writing about praise and worship and then I recognised that my job as a counsellor was taking over praise and worship and most of the time the counselees were couples and they had similar issues, hence the topic of my book,” Campbell told All Woman.

“Many people want to become married, many people want happy marriages, but in these marriages there are so many conflicts, so many issues and I recognised that sex was one of the major issues. People were married, but not necessarily for other reasons but sex. They say they love each other, but as soon as something goes wrong, they are leaving and sex becomes the answer for staying together,” she added.

The book, which was published in 2017, can be found on Amazon and BookBaby.

Over the last 16 years, Campbell has counselled more than 100 couples and she has realised that three major issues that they face are poor communication, lack of love and unfulfilled intimacy.

All Woman sat down with Campbell to discuss her book and her journey as a counsellor.

AW: What is the lesson you want readers to take from the book?

NC: At the end of writing, I prayed that every reader would experience the best marriage relationship they could have and that this would be a bestseller. The hope is that readers will recognise the splendour of marriage, that it is a beautifully long-lasting experience. People get married to stay together for a lifetime. I am not ignorant to the fact that there will be challenges within the relationship, but it takes a selfless approach. Your relationship can work if you work at it. Sexual intercourse is an important activity in marriage. Keep it real, make it adventurous and ensure you are satisfied.

AW: What are some of the challenges you endured writing the book?

NC: It took seven years to complete the book. The outline was compiled within the first five years. By the sixth year, the thought of being in love and marriage crowded my mind. I spoke to a friend about the book and he kept me accountable to a two-year deadline. My singleness was the first challenge. I thought about my lack of knowledge and experience. Nevertheless, I pushed through to investigate and research. Couples surrounded me, and I observed their behaviour patterns and how they communicated and expressed love towards each other and how they dealt with conflicts. Many questions were answered. The next challenge was the critics thinking I had no experience in marriage or sex. The little I knew on the subject made me more curious, and again, I researched. What I did not know, God revealed in dreams or conversations with people.

AW: Why was the topic of marriage of huge interest to you?

NC: I want to get married. My love life encountered repeated failure and for a while I thought I set the bar too high only to find out it was not so at all. The men I liked and fell in love with had different ideologies and expectations. I wanted to introduce them to my spiritual father and mother but they did not see it as necessary. We never saw eye to eye when it came to dating and physical contact and sex. Sex before marriage was a no for me. I had to grapple with those things and the reality that marriage was not a decision to take lightly. The rapid increase in the divorce rate, especially in Christian marriages, was of grave concern too. The many marital conflicts and squabbles that I had to help resolve drove home the need for a manual or something on the subject of marriage and sex.

AW: Why are you so passionate about grooming healthy families?

NC: Healthy homes make healthy communities, which make healthy societies and a healthy nation. There are too many dysfunctional families, and it does not have to be like that.

AW: How have you impacted the lives of couples who are already married and those who will be?

NC: In recent times, a wife called to share that she was about to start filing divorce papers. I asked her to delay the process be it one day to pray on the matter. Following prayer, I gave her some instructions. A few weeks later, she said she had a new husband. It was almost a fairy-tale. She began empowering her spouse, assuring him of her faithfulness and commitment, listening more to his unspoken words and expressing in softer language her own expectations and desires. That for me was a testimony of the positive effect of good counsel.