God heals ‘father wounds’

I know many great fathers worthy of adoration, love, and respect — my brother, brother-in-law, several pastor friends, and some good friends are just a few that come to mind. They should get big love and honour. But today Women & Faith would like to focus on encouraging and empowering women hurting because of abuse, disappointment, or a long-standing wound occasioned by a father or the father of their children.

Let’s start by looking at some of the qualities and responsibilities of a good father. The scripture provides helpful guidance.

A father provides — The prodigal son (Luke 15) asked for his inheritance from his father because there is an accepted context in which a good father provides and leaves an inheritance for his children. Never mind that the prodigal son was wrong in his request. The point I am making here is that there is an expectation and a lived experience both from the prodigal son and his brother that a father provides. Furthermore, 1 Timothy 5:8 warns that “if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel”.

A father does not provoke his children — Colossians 3:21 instructs fathers to not provoke their children lest they become discouraged. The New Living Translation put it this way: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” This requires discernment, understanding, and kindness from fathers.

A father loves, instructs, and disciplines — Referencing a number of passages, The Dictionary of Bible Themes on Bible Gateway concludes that “fathers have a responsibility to love, instruct, and discipline their children in the ways of the Lord. In return, they are to be honoured and obeyed by their children.”

These scriptures and perspectives point to God’s good plan for fathers in families. But what about when fathers fail to live up to their responsibility or fail to be person of good character?

God heals father wounds

When I was around 18 years old, I was an active youth leader in my church. One day we were doing outreach and getting ready to provide hope and care to those hurting and in need in the community. As I was getting ready to lead my team, I heard the Holy Spirit ask if was going to “minister” to people with all the hate I had in my heart for my dad.

You see, my father was okay to me personally when it came to loving and encouraging me as per the aforementioned verses, but he was awful to my mom and some of my siblings. I was angry, hurt, and disappointed.

Yielding to the voice of the Spirit that day, I confessed my hatred and my need for God’s help. And right there and then I felt a burden, a heaviness lift from me, and a new peace filled my soul regarding my father. I was able to respectfully express my disappointment in his choices while still being at peace. Up to this day, I have peace with my father. I believe that was God’s grace on me as a youth.

Later in my adult life, I have gone through my own share of stinging disappointment in other relationships. Again, I found God to be faithful to set my heart free from agony and heartbreak. It wasn’t miraculous like what He did when I was a youth leader so many years ago; instead, it was a daily journey of spending time with God in praise and worship, studying His word, and following His lead. It required being intentional with seeking healing and not just hoping that one day I will just get over it. It also involved seeing a therapist and a pastor to help process the pain as well as having the intercessors lay hands and pray. Healing may not be sudden — it wasn’t for me in this instance. But it has been steady and progressive. And that is the encouragement I wish to give women with emotional wounds when we observe Father’s Day — God, the ultimate good, good father, can and will meet you at your point of need.

If your father wasn’t around, didn’t provide, or was a source of pain in some way, give those wounds to God. If the father of your children isn’t around, doesn’t provide, or is a source of pain in some way, give those wounds to God too. He may lift the heaviness and grant you peace immediately like He did for me as a youth. Or He may take you on a journey of restoration over time. Either way, you can be set free. Psalm 34 declares that: “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit… The Lord redeems his servants, no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.” So, sisters, take refuge in Him.

Passionate about faith and women empowerment, Shelly-Ann Mair-Harris is the author of several publications, including God’s Woman and The Goodies on Her Tray. A woman of faith for several years, Shelly-Ann is the creator of Family and Faith Magazine and Women & Faith. She is also a podcaster, an award-winning playwright and poet as well as a trained and experienced media, marketing, employee engagement, change management and strategic communications professional.