The other woman
SOME women know they’re the other woman from the get-go — they enter relationships with this awareness, and accept their fate. Others find out later, either after a few dates or long after, when they’re too invested to extract themselves. How do they deal with it?
We asked women who have been bitten: How did you feel, and deal with it, after finding out you were the other woman?
Kimone, 33:
I found out after our son was born. He said I couldn’t name the baby the name I wanted for my first child — the junior for his name — because “someone” in his family already had that name. When I pressed, because at first I thought it was a generational thing and couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to pass the name down, he finally confessed that his first son already had his name. When I asked how come I didn’t know this, or know that he had a babymother, he said it was in fact his wife, and he could swear that I knew before. Because I just had the baby and needed help I stayed with him, and then left after a few months. But after seeing how hard it would be as a single mother with a young baby I went back to him, and just tried to live in peace.
Kaydian, 40:
I found out that he had a wife and family when I saw money transfer receipts in his drawer from a woman with his last name. At first I thought it was his sister, but then remembered that he told me he only had brothers. When I searched for the woman’s name on social media I saw pictures of she and him as a couple. It was obvious that they were a couple, and happy, and it hurt a lot to come to terms with being the other woman — who was a home wrecker without even knowing it.
Taneisha, 37:
He lived with me and we did everything together, so I don’t even know how he found the time. But one day I went to another supermarket to try to find a specific coffee creamer and I saw him there with her, and a little girl. She was wearing a ring and the little girl was all excited about her daddy, so I realised right there that I was the mistress. I didn’t cause a scene; I just watched them for a while, found what I wanted to buy, cashed it and left, hoping that he didn’t see me. I didn’t ask him about it because, truthfully, I was not ready to hear the truth. I continued with him until my papers came through to leave Jamaica, and to this day he doesn’t know that I know.
Mariah, 42:
I used to go to church with this man who I thought that I’d marry, and everyone in our friends group thought the same. We were in our 20s then, and I was just waiting on him to propose. Well one Sabbath, during the announcements, the pastor declared the banns of marriage between the man I thought was my boyfriend and a girl from a different church. I don’t even remember what happened after that, or how I got home or anything; I just know I was in a daze. The man was courting another woman and I had no clue. He later gave me some lame apology and asked that we stay friends, but for my sanity I switched churches and even left Jamaica for a while to cool out.
