5 things to do before getting serious
LADIES, let’s reason.
Falling in love can be magical — but if you’re not careful, it can also be misleading. After experiencing disappointment in a relationship or going through a divorce and experiencing deep emotional pain, we have to learn from our mistakes. We won’t know everything to protect our hearts from disappointment, but it’s good to learn lessons about love, relationships, and the importance of preparation.
Before you give your heart away, make sure you’ve done your work.
Too many of us get serious about a man before we get serious about ourselves. We jump in based on chemistry, butterflies, and good vibes, but forget to check if we’re really ready for what we say we want.
So here are five essential things you must do before you get serious about him:
Do your inner healing first
If you’re still carrying baggage from the last relationship, sis, pause before jumping into another. A broken heart needs time to heal. Unhealed wounds will show up as trust issues, insecurity, and emotional triggers — and you might find yourself bleeding on someone who didn’t cut you.
Ask yourself: Have I truly healed? Have I forgiven — not just him, but myself? Have I dealt with the self-doubt or shame from that experience? Healing isn’t just for your past, it’s for your future. A healthy relationship requires a healthy you.
Know your non-negotiables
Before you get serious, be clear about your values. What are your non-negotiables? Is it faith? Family? Integrity? A shared vision for the future?
When you don’t know your standards, you’ll end up accepting anything just to avoid being alone. But love with longevity isn’t built on chemistry — it’s built on compatibility. You need to know who you are, what you stand for, and what you simply won’t compromise.
Take off the rose-coloured glasses
In the early stages, everything can feel exciting and new — but don’t confuse potential with promise. Look beyond the butterflies. Observe how he handles conflict, pressure, money, and responsibilities.
How does he treat people who can do nothing for him? Is he consistent, or just charming? Pay attention, not just to his words, but to his patterns. A man’s character matters more than his compliments.
Get right with God first
As a woman of faith, I believe your spiritual foundation matters more than anything else. Before you get serious about him, get serious about God. Is this man aligned with your purpose? Does he honour your walk with God, or is he a distraction from it?
Seek wisdom and discernment. Invite God into the process. You’d be amazed how clearly you’ll see when your spirit is not clouded by lust, loneliness, or desperation.
Establish boundaries early
Before the relationship deepens, be clear about your boundaries — spiritual, emotional, physical, and even financial. Don’t wait until you’re already emotionally entangled to speak up.
A man who truly respects you will respect your boundaries. If you’re afraid to set them because you might “lose him,” that’s already a red flag. Boundaries don’t push the right person away — they protect the right relationship from becoming the wrong one.
Listen sis, your heart is precious. Your time is valuable. And your love is not a reward for good behaviour — it’s a gift that should be given with wisdom and discernment.
Don’t rush to get serious just because he’s fine, funny, or available. Get serious about your healing, your peace, your purpose, and your God. When you do, you’ll attract a love that complements, not complicates, your life.
You don’t have to settle. You just have to prepare.
Your future love story is waiting — but it starts with you.
Marie Berbick-Bailey is a certified master life coach, resilience coach, ordained minister, author, motivational speaker, wife, mother and big sister dedicated to empowering women to heal, thrive, and walk in purpose. Connect with her at www.marieberbick.com, www.marieberbickcoach.com, or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
