Amorous neighbour turning up the heat
Counsellor,
I bought a house in a gated community a couple years ago. I began serving on the community board and became friends with a number of my neighbours, including my immediate neighbour who, like me, lives alone. She is an influencer who is quite well-off, and she uses her money to try to tempt me. But I have a fiancée who is teaching overseas. My neighbour buys me things for my house, pays for landscaping and things like that, and gives me gifts even though I have told her that I am in a relationship. She keeps flirting and being provocative and refuses to stop although I’ve asked her to. This woman goes to church and told me that she prayed about it, and I’m her future husband. I am frustrated and tired. What should I do?
You are engaged and live alone. Your neighbour, who also lives alone, is offering you favours and showing romantic interest, but it is frustrating you. Understood. Congratulations on the purchase of your home and your acts of service to your community. That’s noble and notable. I imagine that having a source of discomfort living immediately beside you must indeed be frustrating. The
Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 5:21-22, “Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. Abstain from all appearance of evil.” Your desire to handle this situation correctly is commendable.
You have said that your neighbour, I’ll call her Ms Nextdoor, is purposefully tempting you and flirting, and you think she’s interested in a relationship with you. You perceive that she’s not just trying to be neighbourly and friendly; she’s trying to woo you with gifts, etc. She has indicated that, based on her prayers, she thinks you are to be her husband, even though you’ve told her you’re engaged. Yes, that can be quite discombobulating.
Yes, it could be that she’s flirting and sending gifts to influence you because she wants your romantic and sexual attention. You now have to be decisive in shutting her advances down. It means you have to make sure not to send any mixed messages. She has to see that there’s no opportunity there. Be fair, be clear!
My advice:
Speak to her: State clearly and firmly to her that you appreciate her former kindness, but you will not accept any more gifts or anything of that sort. Let her know that if it continues, you will return everything. Let her know you’d like to be able to be pleasant, but if she continues, she will find you to be a bit impolite, unneighbourly, and unpleasant. Let her know you have no desire for any sexual contact or relationship. Let her know you have not gotten any divine revelation about her being anything more than a neighbour, and you like it that way. Be fair, be clear!
REV CHRIS BRODBER.
Do not accept any more gifts: Stop accepting gifts or favours from her. Receiving gifts from her can mislead her. You also don’t want to introduce unnecessary challenges to your relationship with your fiancée. Your fiancée may have an issue with the gifts you are receiving. If the gifts are significant and are of a personal or intimate nature, such as jewellery, expensive watches, romantic candles, pictures, or personal photos, etc, consider returning them. If you are not interested, then protect your relationship with your fiancée. Protect your peace. Ms Nextdoor must not feel that she’s influencing you.
Yours is the kind of challenge only good men face. I pray that the rest of your life will be the best of your life.
Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com
