Frustrated over living situation
Counsellor, I have been living with my partner for 10 years.
We still don’t have much more than we did when we first got together and decided to build together. We’re still living in a tenement situation with his family and all we acquired was three kids.
Life is just very inconvenient and I’m unhappy, but to his credit, he tries his best to make me and the kids comfortable, and I am the one who refused marriage several times. He is a working man who tries his best, but I am frustrated with this situation and can’t move elsewhere because of the kids.
I am just 33 years old. What do you think?
You are in a relationship with three children, and your living conditions and assets are not what you’d like, and you are frustrated.
Understood. You’ve said, “All we acquired was three kids”.
Let’s put that in perspective.
I’m not downplaying what you’ve said and how you are feeling, but perspective matters. And some people would give millions of dollars and a right arm just to have a child.
Many men and women struggle emotionally because they’d like to have a child or children. So really count your blessings! In the Bible, Abraham and Hannah were depressed because they had no children, though they had assets and wealth.
Having a family is a wonderful privilege. I hope you treasure them and celebrate your privilege, especially if your partner has been a faithful father and companion.
He does deserve some respect. Again, I‘m not overlooking your desire to acquire better assets and to increase your standard of living.
That’s a good thing! Children are a huge investment. Some people you’ll see in a nice car or home have not invested in a child/children.
They have invested elsewhere, in things they otherwise desire. And that’s fine.
But presently, instead of a large home, you have amazing experiences with your children, though it’s in a small, inconvenient home.
Hugs, kisses, laughter, stories, jokes, memories, etc, what’s the monetary value of those? And you still have time to conquer the world.
Your first step must be believing. Believe you can.
Yes, you can! If you’re ready to chase a “better standard of living”, then make a plan and work it.
Make big plans and work small steps. Work the plan for yourself, and include your family.
Ensure you do not have more children, since you want to build otherwise now.
My advice: Make a list: Write down what you want.
Start with three things.
Paste the list up in a couple of places and go to work daily on small tasks to accomplish them.
This is for you to do, not him. Put a timeline in your plan. Be practical.
Keep that list up until you have accomplished all three, then create another list of three.
Working purposely can help you with happiness. Speak to your partner; inform him and the children of your goals.
Connect with the right people: Purposefully connect with people who can help you execute your plan.
Ask questions and learn from them. Regularly listen and watch content for information that can teach you how to acquire what you desire.
If you need to study, go back and study. A good church community is also a free network that can often offer help.
Consider what you already have: Consider the things around you for income-earning opportunities.
Do an ART (availability, time, resources) audit — a stove allows you to cook to sell, a cutlass allows you to garden, an iron allows you to press clothes for others, etc.
Do not be perturbed by setbacks; keep focused. You are 33; you’re at a great stage and age to execute a building plan.
Everyone can benefit if you are driven and stay focused. Follow me on social media for more useful information.
And I pray that the rest of your life will be the best of your life. Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion.
E-mail questions to allwoman@ jamaicaobserver.com.
