You know that look our mothers used to give us, which literally drove the fear of God into us, especially in public places? The one that said: “If you don’t stop that foolishness right now, I’m going to give it to you!” Or, “Likkle pickney, don’t try mi patience or you won’t like it.”

Whatever it was, every Jamaican mother had them. My mother had a silent look for everything, and I knew what they meant. So, growing up, I never wanted them. Why? Because after the look came a serious loud lecture, aka “cussing”, which would begin as soon as you got into the car or when you arrived home.

Depending on the severity of your actions, you prayed that she would not ask you to go for the belt. However, one thing you knew was not to ‘talk and taste your tongue’. Still, instead, you had a better chance standing there, listening, looking penitent, never interrupting, acting remorseful when asked, speaking with humility, and at the end, saying, “Mommy, I am very sorry for my actions, I did not mean to embarrass you or your friends and it will never happen again.”

After that, you waited patiently to hear your punishment, anything from being grounded to the house to reading an entire encyclopaedia, to being barred from watching television for a week or the telephone. Whatever it was, our mothers were clear; they were doing all of this because they loved us.

The truth is, I am not sure that my mother has ever stopped giving me those looks. And even though I am an adult, with an adult child, I still know not to ‘back answer’ or do anything to trigger my mother, or I will still get a lecture about “broughtupsy” and how important it is to have good manners in the world.

Simply put, broughtupsy is good manners and how we conduct ourselves around other people. Back then, it was imperative that when you left your house you had to put on your good manners, because it was the hallmark of how you were raised by your parent(s). It was how your parents were judged by the community.

“Yes, man, da one deh come offa good table; dem nuh have no leggo beast behaviour.”

You also knew that if you acted contrary to what the community knew about your mother, that before you got back home the report would have been made to your mother and she would be waiting to tell you what she had heard about your misconduct.

By today’s standard I should be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). But nothing like that ever came into my mind and, today, when I walk into a room, I say good morning, I don’t push over anyone else, I get up and give the mother with her child my seat, or I help older adults if they drop something. More importantly, my attitude never gives way to feeling more important than anyone else, which should result in me being served over and above anyone else in a long line.

But what are good manners, and why are they timeless important habits every child needs?

Good manners are free. They are the words that convey your character and who you are to the world. Words like saying please, thank you, listening carefully to what another person is saying, or holding the door open from someone else speak to character — one that is not boastful but rather polite and kind.

Good manners are also how you carry and present yourself; like ironing your shirt, cleaning your shoes, and wearing a belt in public if your pants are too big and falling off your waist.

When children are taught and learn to practise basic good manners they demonstrate respect and consideration for other people’s feelings, leaving their space better than whence they came with an unforgettable memory of the encounter. They are also a manifestation that you took the time not to appear as if you rolled out of bed, whether you were heading to school or meeting with the CEO of an organisation.

We all learned the golden rule in school: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Kristen Monroe, the director of the University of California Irvine Interdisciplinary Center for the Scientific Study of Ethics and Morality, says: “There is a lot of good in emerging, scientific work suggesting people have an innate sense of fairness built into them, and that the golden rule captures much of that innate moral sense. A lot of people instinctively follow it.”

So how do we build that moral sense of respect, self-discipline, and fairness into our children so they can naturally harness it to benefit themselves and others around them?

First things first, having a child is a serious responsibility not only to ourselves but to the world. As much as we love our children, they require sustained nurturing, care, patience, love, advice, discipline, and strategic approaches to aid their brain development as they grow from baby to toddler, to child, to adolescent, and early adult.

As a parent, our children do not and should not start as our ‘friends’; sometimes this is where the confusion begins. You cannot speak to your young child the same way you would talk to your best friend, neither can you expose them to the same conversations, or they will believe they are adults too and that they can proactively or reactively relate to their teachers or older community members in the same way.

Children also learn from the physical actions of their parents. Therefore, if we want our children to demonstrate good broughtupsy they must see that coming from us first, and we must consistently correct them when they do not.

As a former head girl of The Queen’s School, I still stop and speak with current Queen’s girls when I see them behaving in a manner that I don’t believe will serve them well into the future. Why do I do it? Because, as a parent and a Jamaican mother, I am responsible for my child and for helping others become their best selves.

Let us remember it takes a village to raise a child. Let’s bring back the Jamaican village and the importance of broughtupsy in raising our children.

Lisa Hanna is Member of Parliament for St Ann South Eastern, People’s National Party spokesperson on foreign affairs and foreign trade, and a former Cabinet member.