‘Tis such fools as you

That makes the world

Full of ill favour’d children.

– Shakespeare, As You Like It III, 5

Oh my, what a harsh thing to say, but truth be told, when a child turns out rotten, spoilt and unlikeable, we should not blame him entirely, but rather take a long, hard look at the parents. Now, it’s a fact that parenting is difficult, even under the best of circumstances, but when you have parents, or a parent who contributes to the negative upbringing of the child, then you have a recipe for disaster, and the meal will be most unpalatable. It seems to be the trend nowadays for many women to take on the mantle of not only being a mother, but also a father as well. Oh yes, there’s even a book titled My Mother Who Fathered Me. Well, hear me, mothers can’t father, but first some feedback.

Tony,

Nice article!!! I strongly believe that the best thing that any man can do for the woman he loves is to give her all his attention. Put aside all the good looks you may have, all the money you possess for her security. If you don’t shower her with attention, the poor ugly guy on the corner with all his attention will win her away. That said, I shower mine with all the attention I possess. Needless to say, I am a very happy man. Try it guys, you may like it.

Carey

Tony,

Men are so preoccupied with running from one woman to the next seeking sexual gratification that they don’t have the time or interest, especially not the ability to mentally and sexually stimulate a woman. Sadly, the result is, many women are now seeking several partners to satisfy their various needs.

TS

Tony,

I am married to a lousy man. I put out 150 per cent from my heart, because I believe in treating people right, but this man does not even try. And it hurts my heart every day, and I pray that God remove him out of my life. I don’t mean in death, but just take him away from me so that I can go on living a good life and be happy. I want to be able to laugh again. Why do we always pick up the opposite in our life? I wish I was never married, I need a divorce.

Lee

Tony,

You are at it again, dem say, ‘fire deh a muss muss tail, him think is cool breeze.’ I played both sides of the fence, good guy and bad guy. I was a smart guy and knew when my lover was stepping out on me, because I read a lot and was experienced. Women don’t know what they want. I did an informal research, I asked the cheating women one question when I was with them, “Do you love your man?” And they all said yes. Then I asked, “Then how come you’re here sleeping with me?” Up until this day, mum is the word. All the good women out there, more power to you, because you are few.

Burnt

Ever since that father ran onto that football field and accosted a boy of the opposing team for ‘tackling his son too hard’ the question of how far parents have gone and what steps should be taken to protect our youth is swirling around. Personally I think that man should have spent a night in jail. After all, he broke the law, assaulted and threatened a child among other things. His message was wrong. If he didn’t want his son to be roughed up, then he should let him play Chess, or Ludo or do synchronised swimming. But what was worse, was the host of a call-in sports radio programme actually saying that he can “understand and see with the father for his action”.

I tell you, class is spelt in many different ways. Now you see what message is being sent, and where many of our boys are heading as they are mollycoddled and pampered by overzealous and overprotective parents. I wonder how that father would react if his son was playing American football or Australian rules football?

The tragedy is, that father was displaying the traits of most mothers nowadays, in that their darling little sons must be petted, primped and pampered. A mother even told me that she was afraid to let her five-year old son play football at school because he would get hurt. And this was a lecturer from a tertiary institution who was saying that. I was horrified, mortified and aghast to hear her say that, and felt even more knotted in my stomach when she defended her line of argument.

I thought back to my childhood and thanked God for my mother. We walked barefoot until we were teenagers, picking up many prickles, glass bottle splinters and nail jook along the way. We went to bird bush, played every sport, caught land crabs, rode bicycles everywhere, built and rode pushcarts and wrestled and fought each other. I lost count how many times I got a busted head or bloody lip.

Now mothers have taken on the roles of fathers, as only they know what’s good for the boys, and as far as they’re concerned, not even a man knows how to make a boy into a man. So often I’ve heard my male friends complain, “She acts like is she alone love him, she alone can protect him and she alone know how to bring him up.”

Now, I’m not talking about those mothers who have no choice, those left alone by an absent father, as they are forced to take on the task of raising the boy alone. But there are many mothers who insist on being both mother and father, even when the father tries to intervene. This happens when the father lives at home, but is worse when he does not live with the child, for the mother’s influence is strong, and very often he can’t undo what she has done.

These mothers insist that it’s their way only and the man can go to hell. I know of a case where a mother spent more time at her son’s high school than the teachers, watching her son’s every move. He was a big strapping lad in sixth form, and yet she remained every day until he finished his track and field training. To make it worse, she even intervened and instructed the coach how to coach her son.because she knows what’s best. She proudly told me how she ‘corrected the flaw’ in her son’s technique, not seeing the flaw in her technique. If I was that lad I would be washed with shame.

Of course, we all know of mothers who insist on picking up their hulking fifth and sixth form sons from schools every day. Just stand at any high school gate and watch the parade of mothers-wanna-be-fathers picking up their babies. And I’ve told you in the past of mothers pulling their sons from swimming lessons because the coach was too strict. I have lost count of the number of mothers who are now paying the price for that sort of behaviour. They cry a litany of woes, and even though the names may differ, the sad story of their sons is the same.

That’s because the boys are confused, bewildered, dumbfounded, because their mothers tried to be their fathers. Many bring them to my karate class, some are saved while others don’t return after one class. They are fat, sloppy and live on their cellphones. Just last week a lady told me this irony, the fact that these women insist on having children without first consulting the man, as in their minds, they can go it alone. She told me that through a cruel twist of nature, these woman always end up having sons, never daughters.and are made to pay.

And how they do pay, as these boys turn out to be more than challenges. The irony would be laughable if it wasn’t tragic. When the boys are young, they lavish so much on them, giving them everything that they want, from cellphones to I-pods, Nintendo games costing over $50,000, allow them to wear the latest bling jewellery, allow them to pierce their ears, pluck their eyebrows, womanise their hair, watch TV to their hearts content, start and stop anything that they want.

Ask many fathers and they’ll tell you, “I went to pick up the boy and almost didn’t recognise him. How his mother could allow him to do all that is beyond me, and when I talk is nuff argument.” By the time the boy is 16 he’s a ‘used to.’ “Oh, he used to play the piano, he used to swim, he used to play football, he used to do karate.” Almost every single time when I see these moms and I ask about their sons, the answer is the same. “Oh, he’s living at home at age 26, started UWI, dropped out, started UTech, dropped out, started a job, dropped out, I don’t know what to do.”

Maybe she is surprised, but I’m not, for everyone pays for their behaviour, and you know the saying about children, “First they break your pocket, then they break your heart.” Well, many mothers are wringing their hands in despair now, as they spent so much on their precious little boy babies, smothered them with too much, and now freak out as they watch them turn into monsters.

We have a generation of boys who are often an embarrassment to observe. Look at them with their pants waist dropped almost to the ground and their underpants showing, their hair coiffed like girls, skinny and weak like mice because of poor nutrition, for they live on junk food. If the father tries to intervene he’s met with resistance, for she shrieks, “It’s my son, my son,” not our son, but her son. It’s only when she can’t manage that she calls him to intervene, but very often it’s too late, the twig has been bent and the twisted tree is fixed in its way.

Talk to Lanny Davidson from Fathers Inc and you’ll hear the thousands of horror stories of mothers who want to father. It was just last week I saw a feature on TVJ, produced by Earl Moxam, that showcased the boarding facility at Munro College. I was moved as I watched, for there were boys doing what boys are supposed to do, far from the clutches of their adhesive mothers, living and sharing with other boys, playing, bonding, falling down and getting back up, making their own beds, washing their utensils, and even fighting, yes mommy, boys do fight and make up after. God bless Munro. If only all our boys could attend boarding schools or similar institutions that can save them from mothers who want to be fathers. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Still on children, gone are the days when children give back, for they expect to get and not give. So all you parents who think that your children will be your pension, like in the old days, think again. This was brought to my attention by some parents who can’t believe how mean their children are. Some are left with nothing, even as their children are living in the lap of luxury. “I don’t have a dollar, have five sons, and can’t tell when last I saw them,” this lady told me. On a different note this lady was so upset at what she’s seeing being advertised on taxis nowadays. She saw a party or dance going by the name ‘Erection’ plastered all over the tint. “What message are we sending our children?” she asked. Mayor McKenzie, over to you.