Love looks not with the eyes,

But with the mind,

And therefore is wing’d Cupid painted blind.

Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream 1,1

Love, like justice, is blind, but unlike justice, love at times seems to be not only blind, but deaf, dumb, and downright stupid as well. How else can you explain the crazy and silly things that people do, all in the name of love? And unfortunately, it’s women who usually defy all logic and common sense, all in the name of love. It happens usually at night. No wonder old-time people used to say that, “After six o’clock in the evening, all women turn fool-fool.” It’s not that they get stupid, but for sure, they do foolish things that a sane, normal person would not do…all because of love. It’s a malady, it’s an affliction, it’s a madness, it’s a curse, it’s a disease of mind-boggling, gut-wrenching, brain-addling proportions; it’s an ailment that affects so many bright intelligent, educated women, rendering them helpless.

It’s how women navigate love, and we’ll see why, right after this feedback to ‘Wives Wisdom.’

Hi Teerob,

I read your article in the Sunday Observer with a wry smile. Your article, ‘Wives Wisdom,’ would suggest that women, when they become wives, immediately begin to dislike sex, and that this is wisdom, passed down through the ages, from mothers to daughters. However, if you go back further in history, around the period called The Middle Ages, you’ll realise that what is being passed down as ‘wives’ wisdom’ was actually started by men. It was the male clergy, way back then, who deemed sex to be solely for procreation, and that the missionary position is the only acceptable position; anything else was sinful and blasphemous. It was men who were the architects of the slave trade and plantation systems. These systems made women believe that their sole sexual purpose was to be submissive to the animalistic sexual desires of men solely for the purpose of bearing offspring. Writings from across Egypt, Greece and Rome, show that women were loving, passionate, emotional, sensitive creatures and could be totally sexually uninhibited. It is time that men stop spreading this propaganda, mature, and meet OUR emotional and sexual needs for a change.

Michelle

Mr Tony,

Why should I submit my body to a vile, disgusting man who cares only about his carnal needs? Why should I be defiled by a fetid-breathed monster who only gratifies himself, rolls over and falls asleep without even looking at me or calling my name? It’s men like him who turn women off sex, and let mothers warn their daughters not to be used by these brutes. I cringe when he touches me, and I will forever find an excuse why I cannot lie down for that animal. Please do not print my name, but I speak for thousands of wives who loathe not sex, but the men who bring it.

‘Padlock’

One of life’s big mysteries is how women love men and what they do because of this love. It always boggles the mind and raises eyebrows when we hear horror stories of what women do in the name of love. It doesn’t matter how many letters she may have behind her name, or how much experience she has, or even how well she manages her corporation, the sad truth is, how women navigate love is a different reality that certainly seems unusual to the casual observer. Just the other day I heard how this woman met this man who convinced her to use her house as security for his hare-brained schemes. Well, you already know the outcome of that story…the scheme went belly up, she lost her house, and he’s gone never to return. When asked, “Why did you do that?” She replied, “I loved him, I really did.” Yes, women love and love deeply, and when they do, they will give everything that they have to the object of their love. There are men who exploit this, and live off these women like leeches, parasites to their emotions, and suck not only their worldly possessions from them, but their very life force as well. No wonder many women feel so emotionally drained after loving a man and being duped by him. “I must admit, he took me for a ride, but it was love that blinded me to his ways.” But guess what? Given a chance, these same women would do the same thing all over again if the same man came calling with honey in his mouth and a crystal ball full of promises.

Well, apparently there is a reason and logic behind the way women love men and why they do the crazy things that they do. At least that’s the view of Mr Ekene Agabu who wrote a paper titled, A man’s view on Flaws in how some women navigate love. In essence, he puts the blame squarely at the foot of men, and he tells the women this:”But the first mistake was not yours, you were born into a world that didn’t give you the chance, the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectations. From day one, you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things, being a wife, and your ability to bear a child.”

Now hold on a minute, what he says may have some truth in it, some merit, but what came first, the chicken or the egg? Was it men who dropped this burden on women, or was it women who realised that by using their beauty, their charm, their accessibility and their power of disarming a man, they could therefore render him helpless and have him take care of her in the lap of luxury forever?! Was it not a woman who professed that, “I’d rather be beautiful than smart.” So after honing these skills to perfection, of dolling up and dressing down to be the ultimate trophy wife, or hot gyal pon de bike back, he’s now blaming men for placing women in that position?!

But truth be told, he may have a point, for most desperate women are vulnerable to men, and when they taste the sweet nectar of love, and realise that their dream of becoming someone’s wife or baby mother is a possibility, they will run to the bank, draw out all their savings and give it to the man. For, ‘to have and to hold’ can be elusive, so in her mind, the more that she has, and the more that she gives him, is the stronger a hold she’ll have on him. Men get taken in by women too, but it’s not because of love, as in the case of women, but lust. And that’s why old grey-back men are often fleeced by young girls. It’s not love, but sheer lust that leads him by the nose and deposits him into the poorhouse.

The paper continues: “Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasised the lie that you are nothing without a man. Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self-inflicted, as you sincerely tried to fulfil the so-called destiny of the woman…being someone’s woman.” Throughout the entire paper, that last sentence sums up how women navigate love, and why they do the things in the name of love. For many women, a man validates their existence, and they will do anything, absolutely anything, to keep the man around, for a woman without a man is someone to be pitied by society. So desperation calls for desperate measures, and desperate measures involve giving everything in order to keep the man. He could be a lout, a vagabond, a shyster, a thief, a liar, a “gyalis”, a beater…it does not matter…for he is her man, and she must keep him at all costs. Some men may not be any of those things, but even so, they are not really up to high standards, but the woman will still hang on to him, constantly making excuses for him…just to say she has a man. “Poor thing…she has everything in life…but she has no man.” Ah, how women love is so complex, but simple really, if you follow Mr Ekene Agabu’s writing. I must do a follow-up at a later date, but until then, ladies, you CAN survive without a man, and giving him your car to drive, your apartment to live in, or your credit card to spend, will only lease him for a while…until a crisser car and nicer apartment catch his eye. How women navigate love should be to love themselves first. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: It’s heartening to hear that steps are being taken, and at least plans being made to restore Kingston Harbour, the seventh largest natural harbour in the world. It used to be a wonderful body of water, with clean, clear water teeming with fish, a haven for sea bathers at Gunboat Beach and home to the annual cross the harbour swim race, which incidentally, Sarah Newland, current Director of the YMCA, used to win regularly. Now you dip your feet in at your peril, as the pollution and contamination would scare away the hardiest John Crow. I remember Dr Barry Wade pleading from as far back as thirty years ago that we must save the harbour. But his words fell on deaf ears. Dianna McCauley, strong crusader to preserve our environment, has also continually warned of the dangers of harbour pollution. I really hope that the steps being spoken about will be implemented, and this natural treasure can be saved.