I can’t believe one year just swoops and pass us already. My word! Just as I settled comfortably into writing, without hesitation, the year as 2010 instead of 2009, here comes 2011 to confuse me. People who are familiar with me know that it doesn’t take much for me to be confused, so let me apologise from now to all the institutions that I’ll be doing business with, for the messy appearance of any form I may tender will bear typos and signed deletions.

This Christmas past, was a bountiful one for me, the food drive was a success. I give God thanks and praises for my many relatives, friends and fans who contributed. My ice box is now full to the brim of containers with rich decadent left over foods. Containers of every size and description ranging from glass to plastic, styrofoam and even a few foil-wrapped ham portions greet me as I open and close the hinged door. Life is good. I don’t have to concern myself too much about seeking a meal until after next week. My only worry is that some portions, especially those with gravy, might not be able to survive until then, so I may have to ask my neighbour to place a few in her freezer for me. Every meal come in like is Christmas all over again. It sweet me yuh see. As for the weight, I’m totally ignoring the fact that my bosom meets my belly in a very relaxed manner, like it was born to rest there. I’ll take on the weight loss and fitness challenges anew come February 2011.

This Christmas past, was a bountiful one for me, the food drive was a success. I give God thanks and praises for my many relatives, friends and fans who contributed. My ice box is now full to the brim of containers with rich decadent left over foods. Containers of every size and description ranging from glass to plastic, styrofoam and even a few foil-wrapped ham portions greet me as I open and close the hinged door. Life is good. I don’t have to concern myself too much about seeking a meal until after next week. My only worry is that some portions, especially those with gravy, might not be able to survive until then, so I may have to ask my neighbour to place a few in her freezer for me. Every meal come in like is Christmas all over again. It sweet me yuh see. As for the weight, I’m totally ignoring the fact that my bosom meets my belly in a very relaxed manner, like it was born to rest there. I’ll take on the weight loss and fitness challenges anew come February 2011.

I’m not even going to fool myself again this time with New Year resolutions. Which idiot high on toilet cleaning solution came up with this idea in the first place? Is it me or does any one else realise that the minute you consider letting go of a habit as a ‘resolution’ for the new year, you suddenly crave it more and indulge a lot harder than if you had just let it wither away over time. I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only person on Earth that happens to. I quit smoking one year today and it just happened, never even thought about it, just put out my last one and never looked back. For all the times in the past I had vowed to stop, it only resulted in me doing more packs a day. Resolutions suck big time for indiscipline people like me! Or is it that I’ve not set reachable goals? Could be that my goals of losing weight; going to church more often;

swearing less and saving more have not been realistic?

Maybe I should do a list now. Here are my more realistic new year’s resolutions that I think I can abide by and make my life and the lives of those around me a lot better. I hereby state that this 2011, I shall wash my hands every time after using the bathroom and not only when others are present; I will stay in touch with persons of influence (note not ‘interest’) more often, not just when I need a favour; I will no longer be discourteous to the CSRs at the utility companies when I have to pay a bill, instead I will ask for the manager’s name and write him/her a strongly worded letter filled with colourful Jamaican fabrics outlining my grievances; I will target corrupt elected officials in my article and ridicule them for misappropriating public funds and abusing their trusted positions; I resolve to curse less at people who ‘bad drive’ me (this EXCLUDES operators of public transportation) theirs will be doubled to make up for the shortfall and finally, I will try to look interested when persons come to me with hard-luck stories or things which I care zero about, instead of gazing off into space as usual.

Now, that wasn’t so bad. Please grab your pencils and get cracking. Feel free to share your realistic new year’s resolutions with me via e-mail

elvachatalot@yahoo.com. I take this opportunity to wish for all my readers that they stay safe and have health and wealth aplenty in 2011. I wish for myself even more love and support from you all than was shown in 2010. Bless! Follow me on Twitter @ElvaJamaica