EVERY person has a legal right to choose where they live, unless they have lost capacity to make that decision.

This means families can’t put mom and dad into residential aged care against their will. Every person also has the right to choose to take risks. People can choose to continue to live at home, even if it means they might not get help immediately if they fall, or eat poorly. We should respect mom’s and dad’s decisions, even if we disagree with them.

It’s important to understand the point of view of these elderly parents. Listen to them. Try to figure out what they are feeling, and what they are worried might happen, which might not be rational.

Try to understand what’s really important to their quality of life. Is it the dog, having privacy in their safe space, seeing grandchildren and friends, or something else?

Older people are often understandably concerned about losing independence, losing control, and having strangers in their personal space.

At the same time, if mom and dad have lost capacity to choose where they live, family may be able to make that decision in their best interests.

If it’s not clear whether a person has capacity to make a particular decision, a medical practitioner can assess for that capacity.

Mom or dad may have appointed an enduring guardian to make decisions about his or her health and lifestyle decisions when he or she is not able to.

An enduring guardian can make the decision that the person should live in residential aged care if the person no longer has the capacity to make that decision himself or herself.

If those elderly parents didn’t appoint an enduring guardian and have lost capacity, then a court or tribunal can appoint that person a private guardian (usually a family member, close friend, or unpaid carer).

If no such person is available to act as private guardian, a public official may be appointed as public guardian.

Families often feel guilt and grief during the decision-making and transition process.

Families need to act in the best interest of mom and dad but also balance other caring responsibilities, financial priorities, and their own well-being.

Understand the options when help at home isn’t enough.

If you have maximised home support and it’s not enough, or if the hospital won’t discharge mom or dad without extensive supports, then you may be considering a nursing home (also known as residential aged care).

– The Conversation