Counsellor,

A woman came to me recently, woman to woman, and said she was having a relationship with my husband of 10 years, who is a bus driver. She said as a woman she thought I should know what he’s doing outside, specifically because he had asked her to have his child, and bragged about all he owned. Mind you, all the assets belong to my family. My husband and I have no children together, and it’s not for lack of him trying. I know I am not the problem healthwise, but he has refused to go get checked out. Anyway, I am not even angry at him, because I have wanted to get out of this relationship for a while. So I told her she could have him, and she was shocked, and said she wasn’t interested in anything long term. I haven’t confronted him because I don’t care, but this has made me more interested in hastening to secure myself and my future. I could never be serious about a man who cheats, so as far as I am concerned, I’m done, with justification. I’m just 35, and young and ready for a better future. Does he even deserve a conversation from me?

You believe your husband is cheating, so you are considering that this could be an opportunity for you to make an exit from the marriage. And you want to know if you should speak to him about it. Understood. Absolutely! He certainly deserves a conversation with you. You should get clarity from him on what’s going on. That information will be important to have later, especially if you do decide to leave.

Also, he should have an opportunity to respond to those allegations made against him. Don’t jump to conclusions. Ten years of investment in a marriage shouldn’t easily be disregarded or discarded. There is a Biblical directive to learn from, “In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.” (2 Corinthians 13:1b) Don’t destroy your marriage based on just her word. One woman’s word isn’t enough to void your vows! A solid case requires two or three witnesses.

How do you know the woman isn’t just being malicious or mischievous? The Bible also says, “For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life. (Proverbs 6:26). It means some women will pursue a man very craftily. Her story may or may not be true. Take the time to investigate further.

Yes, there are other troubles causing you frustration. Deal with those separately. Get help. Seek counselling. Your husband must show some interest in having his health status assessed. Yes, your marriage needs an intervention. Consider registering for the April 25th marriage seminar “Just for Us”. E-mail me at Chrisbrodber@yahoo.com if you decide to register. It seems communication is where your vulnerability lies. The seminar will deal with the three critical areas of vulnerability and exposure in marriage: 1) Sex, 2) Communication and 3) Finance. Your husband needs to know how you’ve been feeling, and he may need to know how to come clean. But a divorce and starting over is not always the solution. Gaining new skills to better handle your marriage may be the simple solution needed.

You owe it to yourself to have patience, to be prudent, and to plan smartly. You’ve invested a lot already. And especially if the allegation is found not to be true, make the effort to work things out. You owe it to your younger self, who made the decision to marry the man. And you owe the effort to your future self, who may ask the question, “Did I do the right thing?” Or “Did I try hard enough?”

I pray you will find out the truth and find the strength to make the rest of your life the best of your life.

Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.