HOW does a woman know when a man isn’t truly available, even if he acts like he is? It’s rarely obvious at first. There’s no single moment that confirms it, just small inconsistencies that start to form a pattern over time.

She starts to notice the gaps, the stories that don’t include her beyond certain hours. The conversations that stay just a little too surface-level when she tries to go deeper.

It’s in the uncomfortable moments where instinct starts whispering something the words haven’t caught up to yet, that one can identify a man who’s here for a good time, not a long time.

Here are the signs, according to the men themselves:

Keith, 44:

If his plans are always last-minute, limited to certain times, or he always avoids weekends, holidays or “normal couple” hours, he’s not yours, or not really into you at all. If he’s vague when you suggest anything that has to do with consistency, just find your true love elsewhere.

Palmer, 33:

If he protects access to his personal life like he’s guarding the king’s castle, beware. If you don’t meet his friends, have never seen him in public in a normal way, and his social media presence is either very curated or oddly absent, that’s a red flag. Everyone is on Tik Tok, trust me.

Lance, 40:

One sign that women often ignore is when the man is there for her as a lover, but isn’t integrated in the rest of her life. Basically, you’re close emotionally but there’s no real world integration — he’s not having conversations about your work or school or family problems, all the talk is about the bedroom or your maintenance. He keeps the distance so it’s easier to cut you off totally without any casualties.

Levaun, 28:

Watch out for the ones who say they don’t believe in social media, and that’s why they don’t tag you or post you, and your relationship doesn’t overlap with their everyday spaces. And if you ever ask direct questions about your relationship status or life set-up, his answers are slippery, defensive or overly complex.

Jonathan, 25:

If he tells you straight up that he’s not ready, listen. Many women ignore when men are straight with them, because they hope that they can change the men, and then end up getting hurt. If you know the man is a player, if other people have said it, if he himself has said it, and if when you ask about the future he says he’s not ready for anything serious, then if you get burnt, that’s on you.

Jevaughnie Smith is a communications professional. Send feedback to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com