What is a man,

If his chief good,

And market of time,

Is but to sleep and feed?

Shakespeare, Hamlet IV, 4

UNFORTUNATELY that’s all that some men do — eat and sleep — but real men do much more than that. The measure of a real man has always been a moot point throughout the ages. After all, real men are supposed to be strong, leaders, warriors and creators. Not to mention the fact that real men must not only look after themselves, but also their women and children.

A real man must be a provider, hunter/gatherer, and if he falls short, he is deemed less than a man. In some societies, that is the lowest form of life. In almost all societies too, there is a rite of passage for boys as they make the transition to being men. In fact, there were various means used to judge real men, including their physical prowess, the size of their penis and also by their facial hair; as the Shakespeare quote says, “He that hath no beard, is less than a man.”

Was Bob Marley right when he sang, “Jah will never give the power to a bald head”? Real men have so much to live up to, as we’ll examine right after these responses to ‘Angry women’.

Hey Teerob,

You are so truthful when it comes to angry women. I had to run as fast as I could from my ex-wife, she is the exact replica of the devil. Every day, every move, everything is misery out of her mouth. Nothing pleases her. I am the fifth husband and I only found that out from her mother who, by the way, could never understand her. She used all the past problems from her previous husbands to crucify me.

The last thing that I really couldn’t manage was the nagging around the dining table. As soon as we sat down she began to spew the venom. Sometimes I would ask her to wait until after dinner and that’s when she got really upset and started screaming. We are divorced now, and up to now, she cannot find a man to stay with her, and she has had quite a few.

She is so miserable, her son had to run from her. I would never wish one of those women on my worst enemy. Some people might not like what you write, but don’t stop, continue to hit the nail on the head.

John (NY)

Teerob,

Hell is living with an angry woman, and it was Winston Churchill who said, “If you’re going through Hell, keep going.” I kept on moving, for no pain on earth can ever compare to the wrath of an angry woman whose rage is incessant, incredible, insufferable, never-ending and unbearable. Only one who has experienced this hell can relate to it, and God bless those men who have a wonderful woman to come home to. Hell hath no fury like a woman spurned, but hell cannot even come close to a woman who is angry all the time. He who feels it knows it, and I have the emotional scars to prove it.

Handell

Someone sent me an article about Jamaican men, written by some guy who goes by the moniker Prometheus. It piqued my interest, as it’s a subject that I have touched on, how boys aren’t boys any more, and as a result, men aren’t what they used to be.

I also saw another article that showed that in China, many of the boys are growing up to be sissies and cry at the drop of a hat, even when playing games that girls have no problem playing. One reason, they say, is that China’s one child per family policy has made many mothers overly protective of their sons, so they grow up being too sheltered and can’t mash ants.

It happens right here too, where mothers pamper their boys so much that they grow up physically and emotionally weak, stunted, soft, snivelling and cannot deal with life’s complexities or even know how to relate to the opposite sex. They can’t even deal with the playground bully much less.

I know of cases where sons, almost 40 years old, are still living at home under their mothers’ care, and these mothers continue to lavish gifts such as cars, computers and expensive trips on them. Many of these men do not work, can’t hold a job for any time, but just run back home and live with mummy as she mollycoddles them.

Well, being a real man is a plus in this turbulent world, and if you haven’t got the cojones to be a real man, then step aside, put on your Victoria’s Secret underwear, your lip gloss and your makeup base.

Based on what Prometheus says, a real man must have strength and virility, and cannot be deemed as weak. This strength and virility must come from the real man’s ability to love and service a lot of women. Yes, a real man loves women, but loving them is not enough, for if he cannot handle a woman, he is deemed weak, soft, less than a man… a man-to. A real man conquers women.

Now, at this juncture, women are going to cry “chauvinism, oppression, slavery”, but the irony is, no woman wants a man whom they can conquer. So what’s better, to be a real man and be called a chauvinist, or to be a man-to and be emasculated, de-boned, filleted, stripped of your manhood and have scorn and derision poured on you by both male and female friends and even foes?

Then a real man must sire children, and lots of them. Every farmer knows that a prize bull or ram goat will fetch top dollar for its ability to impregnate a bunch of females. This village ram mentality has crossed over to humans, who are of the notion that real men should have a bundle of children with as many women as possible. It’s a notion that I don’t subscribe to, but the truth is, that is how real men are judged in many societies, and we in Jamaica certainly carry that banner and wave it high.

“So, how much yout yu have? Only six! Yu saaf, man, me gone nine already.” The truth is, real men not only have children, but take care of them, and those men who have children all over the place and don’t even know them, are less than real men and should not beat their chests and gloat about how many they have.

Real men are independent, and based on what Prometheus says, love the road, the streets, the alleys. This has been so from cowboy days, and even now that’s the term given to men who resist and refuse to be tied down. “Listen, you knew I was a cowboy when you met me, so don’t try and lasso me now.” A real man exercises his independence by his love for the open road, and every chance he gets, he’s on the streets. It is said that a real Jamaican man spends as little time as possible at home, but is always at the bar, racetrack, sporting activities or work. Maybe that’s why we see so many bars with the names ‘Millie’s Hideaway’, ‘Doris Dark Corner’, ‘Suzie’s Secret Spot’, and so on.

A real man must show his ability to drink, and hard liquor too, no light beer or wine cooler stuff. The consumption of alcohol has always been the prerequisite of real men, and woe betide the poor man who can’t hold his rum.

“Hey Dennis, you can’t go home yet, man… come, have another drink like a real man.” And speaking of sports too, with the World Cup being shown, a real man will tolerate no interruption from his woman during this time period. No family business, no grocery shopping, not even illness must interfere with football matches, especially when his team is playing. No real man would ever allow his wife to insist that he goes to the supermarket when Brazil is playing Argentina. “Are you serious, yu wife send yu to shop during a Brazil match…? Man, yu saaf.”

Now, the gays are definitely not going to like this, but based on what Prometheus says, real men loathe gays, and must ‘bun all b…y man’. The irony is, many of those real men saying that are closet queens themselves, and cannot afford to be exposed. Is that why so many macho deejays spend so much time knocking gays in their lyrics, to show that they are real men?

It’s so difficult being a real man, especially in a society that respects power, strength and virility. Virtues like sensitivity, compassion and caring are deemed as signs of weakness. The fact that many mothers bring up their sons like girls also compounds the issue. A real man is responsible, ambitious, sensitive, and cares for his woman and his friends and family. He should also be affectionate. Yes, hold her hand sometimes and buss a kiss pon her if you feel like it.

Real men, stand up and be counted, and do not be ashamed to be responsible. By the way, the real Prometheus was the Greek Titan God of forethought and crafty counsel who was entrusted with the task of moulding mankind. He was a ‘rebel god’ who defied Zeus by giving fire and other comforts to mortals.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: With all the turmoil taking place in our country recently, one thing that bothers me is the abject ignorance, apathy and naiveté that some people display. This has created a divide in our society that if left alone can have dire consequences. Many middle and upper-class people are still unaware of the plight of poor people, broad-brush them as one and refuse to hear or acknowledge what they have to say.

I’ve heard disturbing statements such as, “Sweep out all a dem and clean dem out”; “All a them is tief”; “I refuse to believe that people won’t employ them because of their address”; “But I’m surprised that she speaks so intelligently on TV, based on where she lives.”

Some people are so out of touch, as they live in their own little world, which by the way, is not more than seven miles from inner-city areas. I call it the Marie Antoinette syndrome, from the French queen who was so out of touch with her people. When told, “Your Highness, the peasants have no bread.” Her response was: “So why don’t they eat cake?”

Remember our motto, ‘Out of many, one people.’