But love is blind,

And lovers cannot see

The pretty follies

That themselves commit.

— Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice 11, 6

NOT only are pretty follies committed by lovers, but ugly ones as well, especially by men, who continue to make mistake after mistake when they deal with women. No wonder they always end up in the doghouse and are denied certain privileges.

Maybe they are mistakes or perhaps they do them on purpose, but whatever the reason, women continue to suffer at the hands of men who continue to make error after error after error. To err is human, to forgive is divine, you are human and I am divine, some men tend to think, much to the chagrin, dismay and disgust of women.

But is it really a mistake if the man does not know any better, or maybe he’s just preconditioned by his genetics? After all, there is a school of thought that prescribes to the notion that certain races of men treat women differently than other races.

Notice, I didn’t say treat better, but treat differently, as one man’s meat is another man’s poison, and one woman’s hero is another woman’s hated hulk. Some women of a certain race perpetually curse and berate their men, even as women of another race fear for their lives if they dare to bring dishonour or cast shame on their men, especially their brothers or fathers.

Honour killings are not unknown, where the family will execute a daughter for her indiscretions, real or imagined. Some women still walk five paces behind their men and even now there are women who relish a good beating from their menfolk now and then.

Whatever it is, men continue to try and be themselves, even as they try to please their women. The result is, mistakes, man mistakes, as we’ll find our right after these responses to Man up.

Hey Teerob,

I am pretty confident that I can be counted on to man up. I did my share of sports in school (wasn’t very good though). I do not own any jewellery except a watch, and still have hair on my chest and limbs. I took karate 20 years ago, but the old bones have retired, but my wife can prove testament to my manhood. Having said all this, I have had manicures on occasions. A real man is secure in his masculinity to go metro from time to time.

It is much better when you and the wife go together. It makes for a great looking hand, the better to caress with. Try it, you may like it.

Wycliffe

Daddy Oh,

I could not agree with you more. We are raising a generation of males that do not know what it is to be boys or men. They don’t know or have an ounce of masculinity in them and rely on their parents (mothers) to do everything for them. No wonder they take on the persona of females with their earrings, braided hair, plucked eyebrows, ponytails and bleached skin. When did we get this way? I am ashamed at times when I see how maleness has been diluted.

Norman

Someone sent me a blog that outlined the reasons so many women are disgusted with men. Now you’re probably going to ask, “So what’s new, women have been disgusted with men from the time of Adam and Eve”. That may be true, but the fact remains, both genders continue to make mistakes that not only annoy the other, but may lead to terrible consequences if left unchecked.

Usually these mistakes are made by men at the very beginning of the relationship, when they’re supposed to be on their Ps and Qs. Instead, they start off making more errors than a dunce bat in a calculus exam. Mark you, this is from the woman’s perspective, for as far as the man is concerned, he’s doing all right. No wonder men are always asking, “So is what me do now… what did I do?”

Many men are into physicality, fit, toned bodies, ripped abs and the ability to play sports and run up and down. Nothing is wrong with that, and in fact it should be encouraged, except when that’s all you have to offer a woman. After a while she’s going to tire of listening to you talk about nothing but your exploits at the gym, or how you scored that great goal in the masters league football match back in 1987.

What about the intellectual side of life, what about the books that you have read, or any of the classic movies that you have seen? A shallow pool is easily waded, and too many men make the cardinal mistake of focusing only on the physical and not on the educational or intellectual.

Okay, so dating can be fun, and is supposed to be the time when two people get to know each other. Yet so many men make the mistake of ruining the date and a possible future with the lady by the silly mistakes that they make. One is to take out the young lady to a noisy, crowded place where all you can hear is loud music or constant shouting by crude, boisterous men.

During that time of raucous cacophony, not even two words are exchanged between you and the young Miss until you take her home and say goodnight. What did you learn about her? Nothing. But she learnt about you though, that you are a classless boor who has no interest in what she has to say.

“So Arlene, how was your date with Stephen last night?”

“Oh, we went to this place, linked up with his friends, heard some loud music, drank, then he took me home.”

Huge man mistake. Take time to know her. Choose a nice quiet place where you can talk… and listen.

I tend to observe the human condition a lot, and what I find lacking in many of today’s young men, is respect. When I see how some men treat women I wonder if they have mothers, sisters, aunts or grandmas. “Hey Gyal, come ya, me check fi yu.”

In the USA, many young men refer to women as bitches and hos, and in a most endearing way too, not cursing, which is ironic. What’s weird is that some women don’t seem to mind and not only tolerate it, but condone and defend it as well. But the fact remains, it shouldn’t have started in the first place and is a basic lack of respect for women that has caught on here too.

Is it any wonder that so many women prefer their own company rather than be disrespected by men? “They treat women like we are tough hooligans, and I won’t be a part of it,” I heard some women say.

Another huge mistake that men make while dating women is to express their dislike, disgust and disdain of marriage. Most women see a first date as a potential husband. It doesn’t mean that she wants to marry him right away, or ever, but she still wants to know that at least he’s someone who she could potentially marry… down the line.

So the last thing that she wants to hear on that first date or dates, is his contempt for the institution of marriage. “Marriage is for the birds, it’s a loss of freedom, it’s bondage, it’s an institution like the General Penitentiary… it’s not for me.”

Now which woman wants to hear that? Yet it’s a big mistake that many men make. They may not be as forceful with the words, but still more than hint that marriage is not on their cards. Big mistake, as you may drive away a wonderful lady.

One big irony though, is that even as some men eschew marriage, they have no problem with siring children with multiple women. Not only that, but they boast about it with gusto. Enter the babyfather.

One massive mistake is to suggest to the lady that she can have your child but she’s not to even think about marrying you at all. “Hey baby, I will let you have my youth number five, and I’ll be there for you…. always…. along with my other four babymothers.” Any self-respecting woman would run him, kick him to the curb, as his man mistake is bigger than his ego. But some women don’t seem to mind, and feed the egos of these guys, so they will continue this behaviour.

Bling and ego go hand-in-hand, and many men make the mistake of flaunting both when they first meet women. Is this because some women are impressed by this? Whatever, it all depends on what type of woman the man is looking. And the irony is, the same guy who flashes the dollar bills will complain later that the woman is always seeking money from him. Go figure.

Hello, wasn’t it the money that you used to attract her in the first place, so why be surprised now? Whichever way you cut it, it’s a huge mistake that men make, and one that usually blows up in their faces.

Listen, women make mistakes too, but who dares to tell them? I very well may take up that challenge. Look out for it. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Sometimes I think that I’ve heard it all, until someone drops a bombshell that makes me wonder. I was speaking to a young lady recently and the topic of tourism came up. Well, you would have thought that I was promoting hell itself, as she launched into a tirade about tourism being akin to slavery, and that people should not kowtow to foreigners, and furthermore, how she hates tourist towns.

When I mentioned the billions of dollars that tourism brings in, she said, “Hogwash, remittances bring in more.” So we should live off handouts, I thought. When I pointed out the huge hotel industry and the thousands of jobs and staff that rely on tourism, her response was that agriculture and factories would do better.

Now, tourism is not perfect, but I didn’t know that some people actually felt so strongly against it. Maybe she’s not alone in her stance, but I was astounded by her dislike of the industry that has brought so much to Jamaica. I live and learn.