You, Mistress,

That have the office

Opposite to Saint Peter,

And keep the gate of Hell!

— Shakespeare, Othello, IV,2

Oh my, what a thing to say to a woman. And yet, many men express that to some women who they would prefer to stay as far from as the North Pole is from the South. Call them Harridan, call them Harpy, call them Medusa, call them pariahs, give them any such names that depict crosses, worries and grief, the outcome is the same… they are not wanted by men.

Okay, in all fairness, that may seem a tad harsh, and I do tend to have a flair for the dramatic sometimes. But the truth is, in the same way that many women complain that there is a shortage of good men because so many men fit into the unwanted category, I learned that there are women who many men tend to steer clear of. “She coulda pretty like money, she not going to get me at all,” some men say.

I learnt all this after I got so many responses to the piece I did on unwanted men. So many men expressed that they too cannot find a good woman, no matter how hard they looked. To compound this, I also read an article that outlined various ways that women tend to lose men.

Oh yes, many women can catch a man but cannot manage to hold on to him, for one reason or another. At least they managed to catch a man, but there are woman who can’t even get that far. They are the women who no man wants, and we’ll find out why, right after these responses to ‘How to treat a woman’.

Hey Teerob,

I too am old school when it comes to treating women, and I have had my fair share of opening doors for women and being ignored for doing so as they walk through. As for who is going to teach the men, I always believed that it should start with the parents teaching boys how to treat girls and also treating girls how they should be treated by boys. Boys should be taught to be kind and gentle with girls, but to be firm and strong as well with the ‘weaker’ sex, and not allow them to walk all over them.

Richard

Hi Tony,

The age of civility is long gone, brother, so much so that many women don’t even know how to react if they are treated well. Hence the responses that you mentioned. They think that when a man opens a door for them he is being patronising, and the same applies if he stands up to offer his seat. They have not been socialised to accept the gestures of a gentleman.

Carmen

Teerob,

I did not go to Kingston College, but I do admire the strong school spirit that you guys have. I also agree with your stance regarding the invasion of women to the annual old boys dinner. It’s not chauvinism or a gender issue, but in the same way that men feel at women’s tea parties or baby showers, is the same way that women would feel at a KC old boys dinner. How do you guys say it…fortis? Well, for ’tis true.

John

Men are always ogling, looking, staring at, lusting after and desiring women, and yet, it’s hard to believe that there are women who men do not want. The popular notion is that men spend most of their waking hours thinking about how they can get women and have their way with them. They do this with gusto and relish, as they pick, choose and refuse at will. Aha, but in that trilogy of words, pick choose and refuse, that last word stands out like the wallflower at a high school party.

She’s the girl who never gets even one dance. Refuse…what a terrible word. But why should a man refuse a woman? After all, she has what all men want, and he wants what she has. And therein lies the myth, for it’s certainly not true that men will take any and any pretty woman, even if she’s served up on a platter.

In the same way that women bleat about good men being hard, if not impossible, to find and are a scarce commodity, there are men who also complain that good women are hard to find. Say what? But I thought that all women were great catches, for after all aren’t they pretty, sensual, sexual and great in the lovemaking department? Who could not want that.

Still, with all those assets, many of those women are still not wanted by men as most men seek much more than that. Singers Chakka Demus and Pliers sang about ‘Pretty face and bad character’ which just about says it all. Believe it or not, there are women who are beautiful beyond belief, but still not able to land a man.

I’m sure you’ve seen such women, pretty like cook food, participants in many beauty contests, yet ending up having no man, never engaged, never betrothed, never married. “How come all she so pretty and never had a serious man yet?” That’s because she’s so into her looks that she has no room for any man. Even if she gets involved with a man, it’s all about her, her, her, and nothing else.

Men will be in her company, yet she’s into her company only. Most men cannot deal with that and stay far away. Worse if she has other bad ways, no man will want her. In stark contrast, there are many homely women, even bordering on ugly, who are never short of good men, all happily married and settled.

A woman with a past that’s too colourful is also not wanted by men. And even as society elevates a man’s bedroom conquests to the status of heroics, a woman’s sexual past is spoken of in the corridors of shame. “Hey, Dougie used to be a wild ladies man with nuff gyal inna bungle. What a guy.” Even as those same people will say, “All the one Sheila was a pass round donkey, every man get a ride. Stay far from har.”

See the hypocrisy of society? But I don’t make the rules. Still, even if you or I didn’t make those rules, we still abide and fall prey to them, and it’s hardly likely that a woman who’s bedded over 100 men will be wanted by any man for a serious relationship. She just has too much history to compete with. “

No sah, next thing me is Mr 101.” That’s why women lie about their past, for no man wants a future with a present woman with too much past.

The same applies to women with too many children, which may be an irony, for how could she have so many children if no man wants her? But aha, where are those men now? None stay, they just pass through, do their thing, plant their seed, then ride out of town. When the next man comes along and sees her with five children, he’s not going to stick around for long. So she too joins the list of women who no man wants. It’s a sad scenario.

With this age of conspicuous consumerism, there are women who are slaves to material things and make no bones about expressing it too. Sadly, they put this above all. They are fancy and they are fancy free, and they worship the gods of merchandise. They have no room in their hearts for anyone, and any man who comes calling will never get through the gates that guard her palace.

Very often upon meeting her, he’ll hear, “So where do you live, what car do you drive, where do you work, do you travel first class often, do you have a gold Master card?” Those women are definitely not wanted by men, for apart from breaking the bank, the competition is just too strong. These women may climb the corporate ladder, but they do so alone, for men will steer clear.

As simple as you may take it, a woman who chats too much is also avoided by men. This chatting can take the form of nagging, or nengay nengay in your ears, to asking too many questions, to chatting too much about her bedroom activities. That’s right, it’s not only men who boast of their sexual conquests, but also women who often spare no details when they’re talking to their girlfriends.

In some cases it’s positive, as they regale their friends with tales of how many times, in what positions, and in what hotels and most importantly, with who. Very often these stories get back to men, for most girlfriends have men friends, and word gets around.

On the negative side is when these women chat derisively about men, telling tales about lack of staying power, lack of size, premature this and anxiety that, plus equipment failure. Those words get around too, and men hear them, and as a result, stay clear of these women.

“No sah, I staying far from har, next ting she go chat bout me to her friends and tell them say me can’t handle the work.” Loose lips sink ships and also sink many women as they are high on the list of women who men do not want.

There are so many women who men do not want, which is also why there are so many women without men. It’s not just because they cannot find a good man, but it’s because nuh good man nuh want them. It may be a simple thing like living on their Blackberry, as they text and text and text in the company of their date, or being too clingy, too jealous, too bossy, too miserable, too independent and too liberated. The fact is, there are many women who no man wants, and they end up alone. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: I am one of those people who was saddened to see the demise of our beloved Air Jamaica. To me, it was the only carrier to take me to and from this island of ours, and was indeed the little piece of Jamaica that flies, as the slogan said. When they merged with Caribbean Airlines, I still clung to the hope that we were still in the mix, and I flew with them a few times.

Now I’m hearing that the Air Jamaica logo may be taken off the aircraft, leaving us with nothing. That was the last straw for me. Last week, for the very first time in my life, when I went to New York I flew Jet Blue. I was impressed.

Still, there’s a new kid on the block, Fly Jamaica, which up to now only has one aircraft. I cannot wait for them to get started and to also acquire more aircraft. Once again, the Jamaican brand will take to the skies and make us proud.