Before you can successfully date, you must build your self-confidence. Boosting esteem means no more apologies for having desires, wanting love or existing. If you come across as insecure when dating, you’ll get treated as such. If you find yourself

needing a boost, use these ego-builders to help.

Tell yourself:

1 No more excuses. You deserve love and companionship regardless of your past experiences.

2 You have value. Stop apologising for existing. It’s not all about them. You have just as much to offer in a relationship, so keep that in mind. It’s not just about what greatness they could bring to your life, but that you bring your own greatness they can benefit from as well.

3 The one you want doesn’t want you? So what? You lose nothing when you never had the person to begin with. Knowing where you romantically stand with someone you desire is the path to eventually gaining romantic success. You learn from that initial rejection of what works for you and what doesn’t, of who you want and who you don’t want. Don’t be so dependent on someone else’s approval. Self-confidence is what wins in the end in the game of attraction.

4 No is just another word for try something else. So what? You got turned down. You weren’t dressed right. You blurted something embarrassing. You revealed too much personal detail in an initial encounter? No one does everything right the first time. Learn from your experiences; evolve from your initial setbacks. Trial and error is the only way to get you into dating shape.

5 The word “no” doesn’t control me. Rejection only hurts for a little while. The more you get out there and interact, the less and less “no” matters. You’ll find, in all actuality, once you take the pressure off of expectation and the validation of strangers, meeting new people and getting to know them is fun. It’s an adventure. Who will you meet this time? How will you get along? What will happen? Embrace the unknown. Instead of it making you want to give up, let “no” empower you. Let it challenge you.

6 You deserve love. No matter how bad you think you are, remember, there are people out there who don’t think like you. You would probably say they have less than you — less to offer, less in personality, less in looks — yet nothing stops them. They go for what they want. Stop worrying about how you need to lose 20 lbs of fat or gain 20 lbs of muscle. Stop worrying about if you have the right job, education or look. Make you the best you who you can be and cosign to the belief that you deserve love. Not love if you were just a little different, but love as you are.

Confidence can take you farther than a fancy car or a “hot” body. Your attitude and how you carry yourself will be the determining factor — who you are fundamentally is the determining factor of your romantic success.