No, I’ll not weep.

I have full cause of weeping

But this heart shall break into

A hundred thousand flaws

Or ere I’ll weep.

— Shakespeare, King Lear, II, 4

Women do weep a lot, yes. They weep out of grief, sorrow, to get their own way, to manipulate men, and sometimes just for weeping sake. “Oh boy, there she goes again, bawling again just to get attention.” But they also have great strength and fortitude to hold back tears as they endure the struggles of life. And life does seem to throw women some fast balls, curve balls, bouncers, and even beamers aimed straight at their heads.

But somehow they manage to either evade them, block them, or knock them out of the park for six. The woes of women are many, and even in the Bible reference is made to women being hewers of wood and carriers of water. This mantle has burdened them down to this very day, and it’s hard to shake off. The modern-day version is — barefoot, in the kitchen and pregnant.

Still, somehow, many of them manage to weather whatever storms come their way and emerge as if nothing has happened, making it look like smooth sailing. What some frail-looking women have endured, many big, strapping men have wilted under, some taking the fatal way out.

Why is this so, what is it that gives women this resilience to succeed when men teeter, totter, trip, tumble and fall?

We’ll find out why, and also see what the woes of women are, right after these responses to my opinion regarding ‘Why people divorce’.

Hi Tony,

I always compare marriage to that of a journey, a road trip if you will. There are long trips and short trips and sometimes there are long, straight stretches of road, and sometimes the road winds, twists and turns. There are uphills and downhills and bridges to cross. Too often the trip comes to an unplanned and abrupt end because the vehicle called marriage can’t make the turn and runs off the road. Oftentimes the vehicle just breaks down and is abandoned, not taken for repairs.

Hermes

Hey Tony,

I read your column on why people divorce, but more interestingly, loved your footnote regarding the mocking of religion. I realise that some people’s motives are not to be informed or seek clarity, but to try and mock what they don’t believe in. Good for you to highlight that.

Desi

I tend to listen to women a lot and empathise, sympathise with and am sensitive to their needs. I have more female friends than male friends… well, I used to at one time. But the point is, I have always been in touch with my feminine side and can identify well with the female sex.

So when I heard an interview on the radio where Mrs Marcia Forbes told Dionne Jackson Miller that even now she still found it difficult to be accepted in a male-dominated world, it piqued my interest.

That’s because Mrs Forbes is a strong woman who has succeeded in various fields of endeavour and also excelled in the rough and tumble world of media. And yet she admitted that men still do not fully accept women in many arenas. So much so, she said, that many times she prefers not to attend planning meetings with clients, but instead opts to stay in the background and make the arrangements.

That is one burden that many women have to bear, one woe that they have, the non-acceptance by men and indeed, by some women too and of course by society in general. “Woman referee, woman police, woman soldier, woman pilot…dem cyaan handle de work.” But they do handle the work and sometimes they are victims of their own success. Sadly, when they succeed, snide remarks may fly, such as, “Is who she sleep with to reach where she reach?”

Even in the last US presidential election, it was thought that Hillary Clinton lost simply because she was a woman. Millions of people did not vote for her because of her gender and for no other reason. It can be a rough road to travel, and that’s why many years ago someone said that women were the negroes of the world. Think about that statement.

But some women are so strong. Recently I spoke to a young lady who I hadn’t seen in a while. Beneath her smile and strong spirit was a story of woe that broke my heart but also filled it with pride and respect for her resilience.

A few years ago her house burned down and she lost everything except the clothes on her back and her three children. Undaunted, she managed to find a one-bedroom in a not-too-elite neighbourhood in the downtown area of Kingston. Frankly, she moved to the gritty inner city.

With only a mattress on the floor, little by little she dragged herself up from the quagmire of despair and managed to build back her life from scratch. She admitted that the thought of suicide crossed her mind, but her children and her faith kept her going. “Where there’s life there is a way,” she said. It was a difficult road, but she’s now back on her feet and her life is good.

I related that experience because so many women have experienced hardships with no partner to help them in those turbulent times. The plight of the single mother is well documented but oftentimes overlooked.

They go through life having to raise one, two, or even three or more children with no father in sight. Now, why they had so many children is another story which I will address at another time, but the fact remains, they have to survive with those many mouths to feed. The men are nowhere to be found.

Some may only have one child, experienced a broken marriage, and the man, out of sheer spite, abandons them both. The stories are many and varied but with the same common theme. And yet, despite these woes, these women put on a brave face, shed no tears, and still manage to put food on the table and send those children to school, often as high as tertiary level.

It’s sometimes a mystery how some of them achieve this, but one thing is sure, Jamaican women and indeed many women all over the world know how to make ends meet, despite their woes.

And these woes don’t just stop there, for along this bumpy road of survival there are men who prey on the vulnerability of these females. “Hmm, is she one and de pickney, she need some help, mek mi move in, flash two dollars and get my piece.”

That scenario is so common, as men circle these women like predatory sharks in a feeding frenzy. Unfortunately, that’s why some women have multiple children with different men. Being vulnerable and wanting, they hope that the next man will provide security and solace. But he has his agenda, and like Shylock exacts his pound of flesh as he pounds her flesh, then moves on, leaving her with yet another bundle of joy or bag of misery, as the case may be. Then the next man comes along, perpetuating the cycle.

Women’s woes extend to sexual harassment at the workplace, and although most cases don’t go reported as in the USA — where it’s always in the media — it happens here too. True, there is often a thin line between sexual harassment, flirtation and false accusations, but the fact is, it does happen, albeit by different names. Job security, upward mobility, heightened status, financial gain, may very well depend on who’s kissing who, or harassing who.

It’s difficult to prove, as there are women who cry foul out of sheer spite or because of rejection, but the fact remains, sexual harassment at all levels is very real.

Women’s woes are aplenty, and they still struggle to break through the glass ceiling and be totally accepted as equals in society. Despite this, they still manage to strive, persevere and achieve success, if not for themselves, for their children, even as many men falter. Will these woes ever be eliminated and do men have woes too?

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: What a hurricane season we’ve been having. The experts really nailed it this year when they said that we’d be having more powerful storms with more frequency. But even they were baffled by the intensity, ferocity and frequency of these monster hurricanes that jumped from zero to category five almost overnight.

At one point there were three major storms all lined up to do their acts of destruction on everything in their paths. As one passed, another one came in for the kill, followed by yet another, sometimes hitting one place more than once. We pray for Dominica, British Virgin Islands, Barbuda, St Martin, the Florida Keys, Cuba, Hispaniola and other areas that were affected. That level of destruction is unprecedented. We pray for a safe future for ourselves. For those who don’t believe in prayer, we’ll pray on your behalf.