A few years ago the Registrar General’s Department

made an announcement pleading with parents to think long and hard when choosing

names for their babies.

This call came as some selected names were borderline absurd

with little thought given as to how it may impact the child later on.

People were curious to know how bad these names could

be and were they in for a shock when they learnt ‘Syphilis’ and ‘Chlamydia’

made the shortlist.

Seriously? Was no research was done on the meanings

and no baby books available? They essentially condemned their kids to a lifetime

of snickers and side eyes solely based on how the words rolled off their tongue

and sounded exotic? This is why my mother says common sense isn’t so common

anymore.

In the late 1970s, the United Nations came up with

some universal rights of a child to ensure that each and every individual had the

basic tools to equip them throughout childhood. Rights such as the right to an

education, healthcare, to be heard etc were all established but it seems that

the goodly people overlooked the right to a sensible name that won’t get your

butt kicked on the playground. They could not have envisioned the sheer stupidity

if not downright cruelty of some parents.

Indeed, it is cruelty to name your child ‘Airwrecka’

which incidentally is supposed to be the modern day version of ‘Erica’. It may

be a modern interpretation but it sure is goofy. Add to the list of chief

offenders are ‘Supermercado’ (I kid you not!), ‘Cumtekesha’ and ‘Cleogel’, the

last of which sounds like something you rub on liver spots. Then you have names

like ‘Sheliveya’, Sangumental’ and ‘Lucifer.’ Why would anyone condemn their

child to a name like Lucifer?! It boggles the mind.

In particular, parents need to be cognisant of the

names they assign their daughters. Names like Cinnamon, Porsche, Caramel and Diamond

have been relegated to exotic dancers, and while cute in childhood, won’t

likely age so well.