You’ve asked and we’ve answered! Welcome to your weekly column ‘Planning Your Happily Ever After’ with wedding consultant Shikima Hinds. Her focus this week: Etiquette for the newly-weds’ mothers

Now that you’ve shared in the joy of your child’s engagement, it’s time to start preparing for his or her big day. Of course, these duties will vary for each family. It’s important to have open communication with your child and their fiancé. It’s always helpful to have a family talk before starting the wedding planning to understand what kind of wedding festivities and budget the couple is thinking about.

This process will be a revealing and educational experience that will come with great emotions and at times with challenges that will surprise and amaze you. You will see your child in a whole new light.

A guide for the mother of the bride

Your little girl is getting married — congratulations! Being the mother of the bride (or MOB) is a big job, with its requirements changing significantly over the years. Here’s what your role requires:

• Be supportive: There’s always a mountain of “things to do” for a bride. Supporting your daughter is your first and foremost duty. Be a good listener and give your advice when it’s needed.

• Say yes to her dress: Help the bride find the wedding dress of her dreams.

• Choose your mother-of-the-bride dress: Do this as soon as possible, then let the groom’s mother know what you have picked. The bride’s mother traditionally has the honour of selecting her outfit first.

• Guest list: Moms are usually the ones who have all the extended family details, so it makes sense to assist with this task. Ensure you talk to the bride and groom about the guest list size and how many guests can be added to the guest list.

• Help with the bridal shower: The maid of honour throws the ‘official’ shower, but it’s the main event that moms typically help out with.

• Assist with day-of dressing: Assisting the bride into her dress and veil is always a sweet moment and time-honoured tradition.

• Work the room during the wedding: The mother of the bride plays the role of hostess. This means you should spend some time during the wedding reception greeting guests.

A guide for the mother of the groom

Your son is about to become a husband! As the mother of the groom, you don’t have a lot of traditional duties in comparison to the mother of the bride. Being the mother of the groom sometimes may leave you feeling like you’re stuck in an odd spot. You want to feel a part of the process but a lack of defined responsibilities can leave you wondering when and where your help is needed. Here are some tips:

• Connecting with the mother of the bride: Reach out to the mother of the bride right after the engagement. Traditionally, the groom’s parents set up a meeting with the bride’s parents to share the excitement of the fantastic news. These days either side of the family can initiate a get-together.

• Understand financial responsibilities early on: Have a conversation about how both parties will tackle the budget together. If you’re contributing to parts of the wedding be clear about what you will be responsible for.

• Plan and host the rehearsal dinner. One of the most common traditions when it comes to the wedding is the responsibility of the groom’s mother/parents to handle this event.

• Be available: Make yourself available to assist whenever and wherever possible. Be prepared to attend the bridal shower and any other wedding-related dates you are invited to.

• Let the bride and her mother lead the way: Letting the bride’s side lead means allowing them on all major wedding decisions, but you certainly can gently give your input. This way you won’t overstep anyone and create unnecessary drama.

• Shop for your dress: Refer to the bride and her mother for guidelines as you figure out what you’ll wear yourself. The goal is to find an outfit you’ll love, feel comfortable in, and that matches the couple’s vision for the wedding.

• Know your song: Be prepared to offer recommendations for the mother-son dance if your son asks for your opinion.

Conclusion

Tradition assumes the bride and her mother are in the driver’s seat for this event. A mother’s role is a part of the couple’s journey to a new chapter in their lives. This is a great chance to really reconnect with your child as they begin their role as husband or wife.