The world is not for aye,

And ’tis not strange

That even our loves should with our fortunes change,

For ’tis a question left us yet to prove,

Whether love lead fortune,

Or else fortune love.

— Shakespeare

EVERYTHING and everyone changes, or is that really true? After all, the French do say that the more things change, the more they remain the same. And yet, it has been said that the only thing that’s certain in life is change. Plus, what you may perceive as change is just the true self of the person being revealed to you.

Still, change has its benefits for, after all, we can’t just live our lives doing the same thing over and over with boring regularity, day in, day out, with no variation in sight. In Greek mythology Sisyphus was banished by the gods to roll a huge boulder up a hill until it fell to the other side where he had to roll it up again, over and over, for eternity.

“Upward forever with silent endeavour does Sisyphus roll his stone.”

There is no change, no variation, no difference. We can’t just wear the same clothes every day with nothing new to spice it up. Nor can we exist in the same environment forever, with no change in sight. That’s why prisoners placed in solitary confinement often go mad.

People take vacations, change jobs, move from one location to another, even shift around the furniture, just to have a change of scenery or at least to have the semblance of one.

Despite all that, there are some people who never change anything about their lives — not their environment, their job, their car, or where they live — and yet they still seem to be content.

We’ll discuss change and its effect on people, right after these responses to my take on ‘It’s about the money’.

Hi Tony,

The lyrics by the singing group ABBA, I believe, say it best.

‘I work all night I work all day

To pay the bills I have to pay,

Aint it sad?

And still there never seems to be

A single penny left for me,

That’s too bad

In my dreams I have a plan

If I get me a wealthy man

I wouldn’t have to work at all

I’d fool around and have a ball

Money, money, money

Must be funny

In the rich man’s world

Money, money, money

Always sunny

In the rich man’s world.’

Bjorn

Tony,

You said it all, money makes the mare run; it takes cash to care; the promise of money is comfort to a hungry man, the lack of money is the root of all evil. There’s no getting around it.

iM Broke

I mentioned areas that people want to change in order to have better, meaningful, fulfilled lives, such as jobs, environment, cars and such. What I didn’t mention was the change that occurs in relationships. There’s also the aspect of actually changing relationships, for they do say that variety is the spice of life.

But that can be only for a time, as you can’t just keep on jumping from one person to another, especially when you get older. There comes a time when you have to settle down, or as some people do, settle for whoever is available at the time.

Many women seem to endure this as they settle for the man who persisted, because the man who she really loved wasn’t available. But that’s not what I’m referring to. What I’m talking about are the changes that people go through when they’re involved in a relationship, and whether those changes are for better or worse.

It has been said that a leopard never changes its spots. But why should it? After all, the cat’s got to eat, and it only knows one way to do so — hunt down prey and devour it. Those spots serve it well in its quest for food.

But people aren’t leopards, and they find different methods to get what they want from other persons, and if that means changing, then so be it. This change can be rapid, or it can be slow.

At the beginning of the relationship both persons are perfect in each other’s eyes. She is the woman of his dreams — beautiful, desirable, sexy, humble, accommodating and loyal. This is exactly what he was looking for in a woman.

He, on the other hand, is the apple of her eye — a wonderful, caring, ambitious, decent, faithful man who will cater to her needs. What a pretty picture. But speed up the video to seven years in the future and what you see is a different scenario of fighting, screaming, misery, unhappiness that borders on hell. What changed, who changed?

Mercifully, that does not happen in every instance, for there are couples who are together for many years and still manage to adapt to the changes and have a beautiful relationship. God bless those who can say that but for those who can’t, it can be a nightmare.

But let’s break it down. First of all, it’s a fact that women always want to change men, no matter how ‘perfect’ the man is. In her mind, he’s just not perfect enough so she has to mould him to suit her needs and her lifestyle.

That is so ironic, for that lifestyle that he exhibits is exactly what attracted her to him in the first place. Nevertheless, she has to change him.

History has proved this, as many great men had their genius compromised because their women tried to change them. They stopped writing great music or books, stopped performing well in sports, stopped being the life of the party, all because their women changed them.

You haven’t got to take my word for it, just look around and you’ll see it for yourself — once-great vibrant men reduced to simple, subjugated, uninspired dullards because they were changed by their women.

“Whap’n to Deon, how him fall off form suh?”

“Ah bwoy, him woman change him.”

This is not always bad though, for some men need changing, and many have risen to great heights, achieved much, all because their women lit a fire under their behinds and spurred them into action, effecting a positive change in their lives. So change brings the good and it also brings the bad.

What has shocked many women is when their men seem to change right before their eyes, with great rapidity. He used to be such a sweet gentle soul until one day she noticed that he became short-tempered, testy, aggressive and even violent. It’s a side of him that she never saw before, and it’s scary.

Many women have experienced this and become victims of domestic abuse. But remember what’s been said about the leopard not changing its spots. Those spots also camouflage the predator when it’s in hunting mode. Truth be told, that man didn’t really change after all — he was merely biding his time before he struck.

It’s hardly likely that he would have shown his true colours when he first met her and was laying on the syrupy lyrics. At that time he was on his best behaviour, until he got her in his grip, then wham! The fangs are bared and the claws are unsheathed.

Did he really change? Not at all. But to her he did, for she never saw that side of him while they were courting. That’s why one theory posits that people don’t really change, but just hide their true colours to suit situations.

Show me a woman who was abused mercilessly before the marriage and I’ll say otherwise. It always happens after the knot is tied, never before. Show me a woman who denies the man sex before the marriage and I’ll say otherwise. It’s always after when she decides to lock shop on the man. Those are changes that no one wants to experience — neither man nor woman.

Do women change too? Of course they do, and arguably they are masters of the craft, maestros of mimicry, sirens of seduction who can cloud men’s minds and confuse their bodies.

Yes, she saunters into the relationship like a seductive pole dancer with promises of prurient passion and sensuality. But after a few years she turns into Mother Theresa, the Vestal Virgin.

“Man, she really change over the years. No more kissy, kissy, huggy, huggy, but frigid indifference.”

That has been the experience of many men but the question is; Did she really change, or did those feelings lay dormant until she became relaxed and secure in the relationship? And also, did the man do anything to bring about those changes in her? If you ask many women they’ll say that it’s the man’s fault. I shall address that in the future.

For the time being though, we have to accept that life, feelings, and emotions are fluid so we have to adapt to the changes — real or imagined — bend with the wind, go with the flow, drift with the tide. It’s up to you how many changes you can cope with, tolerate, including the changes in yourself.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Feedback is so important to writers as it gives an idea of what people think of their work. That’s why some take book reviews and critics so seriously. I get feedback from all quarters, including security guards, newspaper vendors who read my stuff and voice their opinion, casual shoppers in the supermarket, and readers overseas who will send e-mail. Can you imagine my surprise while at a funeral recently, the pastor actually stopped in the aisle, bent over to me and said, “I really enjoy your columns.” Some people will say to me, “You still writing your columns?” To which I’ll reply, “You stop reading?” Then they’ll admit to not buying newspapers anymore. Nevertheless, I value the feedback, positive or negative, for it makes me know that I’m having an impact.