Virginity is peevish, proud, idle

Made of self love,

Which is the most inhibited sin in the canon.

Keep it not.

— Shakespeare, All’s well that ends well.

I remember while at the BBC in England years ago, there was a long-running play in London’s East End named No Sex Please, We’re British, that played to packed houses and got rave reviews. Perhaps we should adopt that principle here and save us some of the myriad problems that stem from that activity. After all, when sex enters the picture, that’s when the problems start.

People will be friends for a long time, until sex enters the equation, then all hell breaks loose. Jealousy, insecurity, anger, resentment, hurt and other emotions.

“I felt better before I started to sleep with him.”

Or as this lady once said: “The f… I get just isn’t worth the f… I get.”

That’s why some people swear off sex, just to have a peaceful life. In fact, superstar rapper and actor 50 Cent says that he hasn’t had sex in 12 years, aiming to increase focus, mental health and clarity. So there must be some merit to it. But it was this e-mail that I got from this young man that prompted me to address this topic — the ability to live without sex. We’ll see how, right after these comments regarding my take on ‘Ex communicate’.

Teerob,

This ex communicate thing can be tricky, depending on the persons involved. Some people have no problem keeping in touch with their exes, with no ulterior motive at all, just friends. But some do take it to a different level and try to rekindle past romances. It’s often touch and go, so I recommend not getting too close and communicating with your ex.

Patsy

Tony,

I do not want my man communicating with any of his exes at all. It’s not that I don’t trust him, but I don’t trust them. If he even took her to a restaurant that he once took me, I’m not going back there. And if he calls her on her birthday and sings birthday songs to her, all hell going to pop.

Venice

Even though Shakespeare wrote about the disdain for it in the above quote, there are benefits to be derived from not having sex. This young man who e-mailed me complained bitterly that his wife stopped making love with him because he lost his job and couldn’t give her money to spend on herself anymore, even though he still managed to pay the household bills.

I have been addressing this for years — how women use sex as a weapon, a tool, as leverage, and here it rears its ugly head once again. Her sexual output diminishes in the same proportion that his income falls. Then when he finally strays, you’ll hear how man bad. So, take sex out of the equation and problems will be less, at least that’s the theory.

I also saw this news story where this man discovered that his wife was cheating on him, but instead of getting on badly or leaving her, he just decided to stop having sex with her. So far it’s been 10 years and he’s quite happy.

The Catholic Church has tried it with its priests, damning them to a celibate life, forbidding them from indulging, so that they could be more focused on their duties. Like I said, that’s the theory, but the practice is another thing. Many a priest and nun were forced to kick the habit, as the urge was greater than the Word and the mind was willing but the flesh was weak, so weak.

But it is true that sex interferes with genuine relationships and puts a different spin on things. Many times you may have male and female friends who have been best friends for years, sharing all their secrets, triumphs, trials, and tribulations. Him nah look har and she nah look him. Suddenly one day, or night, they discover that there is more than just a fraternal platonic bond, and the libido, the chemistry kicks in. Wham bam! Sparks start to fly and the clothes follow.

Well, for all intents and purposes, that friendship is over as it has taken on a new dimension. Now other elements come into play, with the chief one being jealousy. Yes, this sex thing awakens the green-eyed monster, and believe me, it doth mock the meat it feeds on. Problems that never existed before are now swirling around, and that beautiful bond that was shared for years is now shattered.

“Is what happen to Sharon and Rodney? Look how many years they were friends but now since dem step it up to a new level is pure crosses.”

“Guess why? Nuh sex mash it up.”

They were better off sexless, as they could focus on the real friendship, but take those away and the Pandora’s box flies open, letting out all the demons. Because of this, it’s often difficult for members of the opposite sex to be true friends — not impossible, but difficult. It usually works the other way around, if they were physically involved first, broke up, then became friends. Yes, many people find that exes make the best friends after all the initial hurt from the break-up heals.

It also works if one party is ugly as hell. It’s so easy for a man to be platonic friends with an ugly woman, or vice versa, but it would be extremely difficult to sustain a platonic friendship with Beyonce, or Halle, or someone who looks like them. One day something would crack, as I’m sure they’d have a difficult time keeping their hands off each other.

Be sexless and there’s no seduction. I read where in one of the states in the USA they passed this seduction law under which a man can actually be charged for seduction. There would be no need for that law if people lived a life of chastity and saw people for their other qualities. People should be able to sleep in the same bed and have enough discipline to be chaste, instead of being chased. At this point many people will chime in and say, “But that’s easy, just get married and you’ll achieve that state.” Hey, it’s a fact, mistresses get more sex than wives, and wives get more from their lovers than from their husbands.

There is a theory that women who have sex with a lot of men really suffer from low self-esteem and are therefore always seeking acceptance and love. The same goes for men who sleep with a lot of women. I know this young lady who told me that, “Every problem I had in life, is sex cause it.” It does affect our young people, distracting them from their school work, diverting their energies in the wrong direction.

A pregnancy in a 14-year-old changes her life forever, and even at age 40 or more, she doesn’t really get over it. Many feel robbed of their youth, many are still bitter at the experience, and some find it difficult to speak about it, even after 20 years or more.

But are the kids being educated? Recently a doctor friend of mine gave a talk at a high school and was shocked to discover that not even one student knew what the uterus was.

So instead of sweeping it under the carpet or allowing kids to learn it from their peers, we should educate them more. I always found it strange how parents would expose kids to violence, bombings, shootings, murder and mayhem on TV shows or movies, even the nightly news, but just mention the word sex and it’s hell and powder puff. People will say, “How can you write about sex? This is a family paper.” Yet the same paper is full of news of murder, international strife, corruption, robbery, bodies blown to bits and such gore. It’s our daily fare, but just brush the topic of sex and you’re disgusting and damned to hell fire. I wonder how we all got here anyway, must have been immaculate conception!

Still, it’s easier said than done, and if we all stop and think, a lot of our problems in life were caused through sex. And as another young lady told me, “The Lord really has a great sense of humour whereby He gave us this tremendous urge then expects us to practise self-restraint.” Because of not being sexless, it leads many people into the throes and complications of adultery. But the irony is, those so called virtues are unnatural, and that’s why they are so difficult, nigh impossible, to achieve.

The priests who took vows and were instructed to be celibate are a prominent group that proved that theory to be unworkable. And if priests — steeped in religion, closer to God (they’d like to think) than you and I — can’t cope, how can us mere mortals? You can’t live without sex, it’s unnatural. Okay, you can live, but is it really living?

So the struggle continues, and I know that it is nigh impossible to live up to the ideals of celibacy. For some people it’s not by choice, as nobody will sleep with them. Still, it’s just not in our nature as temptation is all around us. And you know what is true? People look on virgins, those chaste, or practising celibacy, as almost freaks.

“Say wha, yu nah do nutten? Sumpting must be wrong wid yu!”

But still, we must be responsible and talk to our children early, as times have changed drastically and it has reached life and death proportions. Perhaps we should have a Celibacy Day. No sex please, we’re Jamaican. Is that plausible?

More time.

Seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Well, the chickens have come home to roost, the bottom has dropped out of the bucket, the last straw has broken the camel’s back, the cow has lost the use of its tail. What am I blathering on about? The behaviour of our children in school, which has escalated from physical violence to murder — spontaneous and premeditated. Yes, it’s reported that a student actually went to a shop and bought a knife before stabbing another student. This violence has been talked about for years, and I kept saying that it’s going to get worse. There are various factors involved: poor parenting, social issues, and lack of consequences from the authorities. Kids are not punished anymore, as it violates their human rights, so they run wild. Well, watch what happens next as the beasts are unleashed with no fear of consequences.